Picture the scene. It’s your big day, you’re dressed in a beautiful white dress or a drop dead gorgeous suit. All your family and all of your friends are sat in the large hall with huge smiles on their faces. This is the day you marry the love of your life. Until, suddenly, ol’ granny in the front row begins spurting blood from her toothless slackjaw. Her eyes are deader than usual yet she’s jumps to her feet and rushes toward the priest. Her wrinkled prune-like face snarls as she leaps on the man in black and rip a gaping hole in his neck, gushing with blood. Soon, grampa’s in on the act too! Noming away at the guests. Before you know it all your friends and all of your family are running around eating one another. From your best friend to the great aunt you had to invite out of politeness. Soon, all Hell has broken loose and before your eyes is a blood soaked orgy of limb-devouring, brain chewing as a chorus of screams from the children’s choir drown out the sombre tones of the church organ.
What to do? Well, thankfully over the week we’ll have a quick survival tip each day for just such an occasion, in celebration of the wedding-set zombie film, [REC] Genesis (out on DVD & Blu-ray 3rd Sept).
ZOMBIE WEDDING SURVIVAL TIP #1 – RICE
Never underestimate the truly immense power of rice. Not only is it a culinary treat that accompanies any curry dish perfectly with the addition of a bay leaf, but it is an almighty weapon of zombie destruction! The inclusion of rice in wedding ceremonies has been a tradition for many, many years. Whilst a symbol for fertility and prosperity, throwing rice can also be a symbol of kick-ass-ness when zombies are involved. But how exactly?
Well, besides rice, another symbol often associated with weddings is the bird. Doves, lovebirds…pigeons. I think you know where I’m going here. As is well known, birds have a somewhat interesting reaction to rice. It explodes them. Herein lies the brilliance! When you’re surrounded by hungry flesh-eating wedding guests, rush to the pot of rice, head outside and grab yourself a good few pigeons. Shove a handful of these white grains down their throats, scream ‘Bon voyage, undead scum!” at the top of your lungs and lob your newly created feathered grenades at the horde of undead. The cooing creatures will explode in an incredible burst of fluff, guts and fire, taking out a bunch of somnambulist critters with each rice-stuffed pigeon.
More top tips coming soon!