Nightmare at 20000 Part 2
A handsome successful Star Wars geek for sake of argument we'll call him darthelvis is relaxing on the return flight from Scatsta to Aberdeen (chance would be a fine thing!) after a tiring trip offshore. Hurricane Bawbag has been causing havoc in his homeland of Scotland and this had prevented him getting home to see his family for the weekend.
Flight EZE1138 takes off and as darth sucks on a boiled sweet to stop his ears from popping, pops on an episode of Diff'rent Strokes on his iphone, slips off his shoes & chills out. When the stewardess comes round with tea & coffee & shortbread (yes this is Scotland after all), darth opts for a cup of tea and turns his attention to the wing of the plane just outside his tiny window.
To his horror and disgust he sees William Shatner fully dressed in his Captain Kirk outfit outside on the wing of the plane burning the last surviving copy of the untampered with Star Wars trilogy laughing before bursting into a rendition of Birdhouse in your Soul by the great They Might be Giants! I scream in agony, a coldsweat covers my body as I look for someone else on the flight to look out the window to see this evil 80 year old man taunting me!
Why god why am I not allowed to take sharp objects or guns on my flights! With my shortbread in hand I walk calmly to the emergency exit, I lift the arm release to the door and like Keanu Reeves in Point Break I leap out the door of the plan soaring towards the wing!
I just manage to catch Shatner with a stretched out arm, getting him right in the gut (kind of hard to miss these days!). We both fall from the plane through the sky at a speed faster than Luke made the Kessel Run! Fighting tooth & nail, I unwrap my shortbread and force both golden sweet sticks into Shatners mouth, choking him to death. I stand a top Shatners fallen body and float it to the ground like a giant surfboard!
Hitting the ground, Shatner takes the brunt of the impact leaving darthelvis uninjured! I notice something in Shatners hand......a small piece of film. I break the fingers on his hand to release the film and upon inspection it is a piece from the original Star Wars. A film cell depicting Han & Gredo in the Cantina and guess what Han shoots First!!!!!
Life is sweet!!!!!
Disclaimer: I really have nothing against William Shatner or Star Trek and mean no harm to the man really. Nor do I believe sharp objects & guns should be taken onboard flights, it's all in the interest if story telling!
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