I've been going through all my old games again and thought I may aswell do some reviews. I'm only doing this as a bit of fun so don't take them too seriously
First up: the Playstation, Sega Saturn, Nintendo 64 and Iphone version's of my favourite game ever: DUKE NUKEM 3D.
PLAYSTATION (as DUKE NUKEM)
Aka: Duke Nukem: Total Meltdown (US title)
The best of the console ports of the original Duke 3D, it’s contains all three episodes from the PC version and is completely uncensored. It also has some exclusive new content including a super cool, totally awesome new soundtrack, new Duke Nukem dialogue (‘fire in the hole, asshole!’) and, best of all, an exclusive fourth episode called Plug and Pray, which contains 7 levels - 6 new and a modified version of the level Faces of Death (which was a death match level on the PC but is a regular level here).
The major gimmick of the new episode is that the levels are based of other Playstation games (the level Trackside Tragedy has you battling through the race track from Wipeout) and movies, with the standout level being Gates Motel which is filled with horror movie references from The Exorcist, Silence of the Lambs, The Shining, Psycho, Poltergeist. There are also some new enemies to keep you occupied too. Another notable thing about it is how ****ing hard it is - some people still have trouble getting past the first level. I’ve done it a few times now, but when I first played it took me months to do (well to be fair I was only 11)
People have complained about the controls but I have no problem with them but I guess if you’re used to playing this on the PC the Playstation pad will seem a bit funny. The other major gripe many have, and rightly so too, is the framerate which causes the game to slow down horribly when there are loads of enemies on screen. It’s a real nightmare and the developers (Aardvark) really should have done something about it. The graphics are extremely blocky but I guess that can be expected from an almost 15 year old game. That said it’s still the best of the console versions and I highly recommend you check it out, especially as it’s the only version which contains ‘Plug and Pray’.
SEGA STAURN (as DUKE NUKEM 3D)
Running on the awesome ‘Slavedriver’ 3D engine (originally developed for Exhumed aka Powerslave) the Saturn version does not suffer from any framerate problems and runs along at smooth pace. Unfortunately, this comes at a cost, as in order to make the game run as smoothly as possible the developers (Lobotomy) had to strip most of the levels of their details, some had to be split into two parts and, worst of all, the level’s Spin Cycle, Lunatic Fringe, Tier Drops and Freeway had to be removed entirely. All this had to be done as, according to one of the developers, the Saturn was such a bitch to programme for and couldn’t handle these things very well. There is a new level called Urea 51 but the less said about that the better.
It’s still a worthwhile effort though: The graphics are good for the time, there are several music tracks from the ‘Atomic Edition’ expansion pack which was released on the PC and has some really cool dynamic lighting effects.
Nintendo 64 (as DUKE NUKEM 64)
Due to Nintendo’s family friendly policy, all sexual and religious references and swearing had to be removed from Duke 64 (‘Bastards’ was changed to ‘scum’; ‘I‘m gonna rip off your head and shit down your neck’ was changed to ‘In a perfect world you‘d already be dead!’). The levels Spin Cycle and Tier Drops were removed and there is no level music. However, to make up for all that the developers (Eurocom) expanded the original levels to include new areas, added new weapons (Dual sub-machine guns, grenade launcher, explosive shotgun shells, heat seeking missiles, plasma cannon) and elements from the ‘Atomic Edition’: the levels Duke Burger and Area 51 (which are both hidden), the expander cannon and the hard as **** to kill Protector Drones, which try to shrink you and crush you with their feet. The graphics are good but suffer slightly from that dull foggy look which affected many N64 games.
Another good thing about this version is the fact to you don’t need a link cable to play death matches. There is also a 4 player co-op mode and you can even play death matches against the computer.
So despite the censorship it’s still a top first person shooter
IPHONE (as DUKE NUKEM 3D)
Pretty much the same as the PC version except there is no music, some of the enemies have been moved around and sometimes suffers from slowdown when there is more than one enemy on screen. Controls are tricky to get used to but once you work them out it’s fine. I don’t know if it’s a glitch but providing you have full rounds, you can kill the last boss with the devastator in 6 seconds.