Spending time trying to tszuj my horror fiction into something other than a two-bit Thomas Ligotti rip-off means that these days I don't get to watch and review all that much (cue audible sigh of relief from my readers). That said, it would be remiss of me not to leave some kind of sticky trail whenever I do get to charge up my DVD player, so from now on I've decided to do that in the labour-saving form of semi-Haiku.
THE CHANGELING –
Red ball rolls down stairs
In house of autumnal grief
Good, not amazing.
THE FINAL EXAM –
Slasher lacking blood
Killer is just guy in coat
Student hi-jinks bore
MANDY –
Nick Cage crazy trip
Velvet neon bikes of hell
What happens, really?
LADY STREETFIGHTER –
Feverish nonsense
Bad ‘action’ as if made by
Gibbering baboon
POPCORN –
Burned creep’s portmanteau
Nineties slasher goes meta
No escape from screen
THE STUFF –
Moriarty goofs
Cohen gunk conspiracy
Don’t eat yoghurt, now
DON’T OPEN TILL CHRISTMAS –
Thirteen Santa deaths
Peak Brit-grot sleazetacular
Eyes smile, Tosh Lines snaps
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