Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
The Mark Of The Rani – Part 1
Peri: Well?
The Doctor: Mmm, never felt better.
Peri: Wisecracks like that tell me one thing.
The Doctor: What?
Peri: You haven't a clue what's going on.
The Doctor: Oh, I know what's going. on. We're being manoeuvred off course.
Peri: Manoeuvred off course? You mean it isn't the Tardis malfunctioning again?
The Doctor: Malfunctioning? Malfunctioning? Malfunctioning! After all the work I've done on it?
Peri: Well, I only asked a simple question.
The Doctor: Indeed you did. It was the wrong question.
Peri: Well, tell me what's going on.
The Doctor: The time coordinates are constant, it's the location that's being changed.
Peri: Being changed?
The Doctor: Hmm.
Peri: Who by?
The Doctor: By whom. To use your vernacular, I haven't a clue.
Peri: Well, can't you override?
The Doctor: Don't try to be so obtuse. What do you imagine I'm trying to do? That's a time distortion, as if there's a time machine nearby.
Peri: A Time Lord?
The Doctor: Or a Dalek. Certainly an alien force of some kind.
Peri: On Earth?
(The Tardis has landed on a windy, muddy spoil heap slope.) Oh, great. Some substitute for Kew Gardens.
The Doctor: Try and look on the bright side. After all, isn't coal just fossilised plant life?
Peri: What have you got there?
The Doctor: Tracking device. Registers time distortion. Hoist off your skirts, Peri. Off we go.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Master: You should cooperate, you know.
The Rani: Take this one through.
(Josh and the new man obey.) The Master: The Doctor won't tolerate anyone deliberately playing havoc with his favourite planet.
The Rani: Can't you get it into your warped skull that there is nothing deliberate about it? The aggression is an unfortunate side effect.
The Master: Unfortunate? Fortuitous would be a more apposite epithet.
The Rani: Call it what you will, I need the chemical. The only source is the human brain. It can have no relevance to you or your machinations.
The Master: Ah. But then, as yet you've not been appraised of my purpose in being here.
The Rani: To destroy the Doctor. You've never had any other. It obsesses you to the exclusion of all else.
The Master: You underestimate me. Certainly I want to destroy him, see him suffer, but that is just an exquisite first step. I have a greater concept, one that will encompass the whole human race.
The Rani: You're unbalanced. No wonder the Doctor always outwits you.
(The Master snatches a small phial of liquid from her.) Put that down!
The Master: You don't get much, do you.
The Rani: There's only a minute amount in each brain.
The Master: How does extracting this make humans more aggressive? I'll not ask again.
The Rani: Because without that chemical, the brain cannot rest.
The Master: Ah, now I understand. You need it for your aliens on Miasimia Goria. I dropped in on your little domain before following you here. Chaos. Complete mayhem. What went wrong?
The Rani: Wrong? Who said anything went wrong?
The Master: Well, you rule there absolutely. I assume one of your little schemes didn't turn out quite as you expected.
The Rani: A small matter. In the process of heightening the awareness of my aliens, I lowered their ability to sleep. They became
The Master: Difficult to control. On the other hand, with this and the impregnated parasites, their talents are yours to command. Oh, such power. Is that a scanner?
The Rani: Find out.
(The Master threatens to drop the phial.) Who do you want?
The Master: The Doctor.
The Mark Of The Rani – Part 2
Peri: How come you know the Rani?
(The Doctor is examining the painted screens.) The Doctor: Same way as I know the Master.
Peri: But he's an exiled Time Lord.
The Doctor: Exactly. Two of a kind. Odd. Very odd.
Peri: What is?
The Doctor: Now, I would have said Turner's too passionate for the Rani's sterile taste.
Peri: Well, I guess she must have thought so too, since she hasn't taken it with her.
The Doctor: Ah ha.
(The Doctor sticks the end of a fishing reel onto the screen and plays the rest out across the room.) Shall we?
Peri: Shall we what?
The Doctor: See if we've misjudged the Rani.
(The Doctor pulls the line and the painted volcano on the screen erupts, emitting gas. He puts his handkerchief over his face.) Dichlorodiethyl sulphide!
Peri: Dio what?
The Doctor: Mustard gas. It's a killer!
Peri: I know.
The Doctor: Don't breath it in. Whatever you do, don't breath it in!
(Peri is coughing.) Masks.
Peri: Masks?
The Doctor: The Rani's assistant.
(Peri gets the mask from the older man's belt and puts it on, then get's Josh's mask and throws it to the Doctor in the far corner.) Thank you. Thank you, Peri. Street door.
Peri: Street door?
The Doctor: Open it. Ventilation. Quickly.
Peri: Okay.
(The Doctor retrieves his fishing line and moves the screens to reveal a large wooden cabinet. Peri runs back in to see him about to unlock it.) Hey, that's the key to the Tardis!
(The cabinet opens and the Doctor goes inside.) But suppose the Rani's in there! Oh, no.
(Peri follows him in.) (Grey walls with faint giant roundels, and pedestals around the room displaying specimens in jars.) The Doctor: Hmm. Embryos of the Tyrannosaurus Rex. She must have popped back to the Cretaceous age and picked up a few. Nasty creatures. Vicious teeth. Bite your leg off, chew it all up, bone and all, all in one go. Wonder what she wants with them?
(The time rotor starts to move.) Peri, get out of here!
Peri: But you
The Doctor: Don't argue. Move!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
(The Master and the Rani watch Luke gathering plants. The Master draws his TCE and the Doctor knocks it out of his hand from behind.) The Doctor: No!
(The Doctor picks it up.) The Master: So much for your arrogant superiority.
The Doctor: A characteristic you both share. Underestimating your opponents. Well, I got your message. I'm here. What obnoxious fate have you devise?
The Rani: Why me?
The Doctor: Because he blamed you for its failure. Not this.
(the TCE) Far too simple. No, you'd have brewed something much more malignant. Perhaps the answer's down there in the dell, where I was supposed to go.
(He sees Luke step on a mine and explode in a shower of soil and leafmould. When the dust settles, a new tree stands in the dell. Furious, the Doctor turns the TCE on the Master.) The Master: No! An accident. It wasn't intended for him.
The Doctor: And you're so warped, so callous, you think that justifies it? First you turn an innocent young man into your acolyte, force him to betray his friends, and then you do this monstrous thing to him.
The Rani: Oh, stop being sentimental. What's happened? Animal matter has been metamorphosed into vegetable matter. So what?
The Doctor: You'll be telling me next he's better off.
The Rani: As a matter of fact, he is. A tree has four times the life expectancy of a human being.
The Doctor: They should never have exiled you. They should have locked you in a padded cell. Now move, before I forget my abhorrence of violence and use this.
(The Master, the Rani and the Doctor leave. They do not see Peri coming down into the dell and nearly stepping on other mines as she gathers valerian. Suddenly the new tree swings its bough round and gathers her to its trunk. She screams, attracting attention.) Don't move, Peri! Don't move! The tree won't hurt you!
(The Luke tree raises its bough. The Doctor turns to the Rani and misquotes Hamlet.) Now perhaps you'll accept there are more things in heaven and earth than are ever dreamed of in your barren philosophy.
The Rani: And perhaps you'll accept that you face a dilemma.
The Master: More of an impasse?
The Doctor: Wrong on both counts. There is no impasse, and the dilemma, Rani, will be solved by you. You laid those evil contraptions in the dell, so you can lead Peri out. Refuse, and I won't hesitate to use this.
(The Rani walks carefully down into the dell and picks her way towards Peri and Luke.) The Master: She can't remember. She's probably set them at random.
The Doctor: I doubt if the Rani ever did anything at random.
The Master: But if she has, what then?
The Doctor: Then you're nominated as understudy. I should think you'd turn into a laburnum tree.
The Master: Laburnum? Why?
The Doctor: The pods are poisonous. Be patient, Peri. Stay absolutely still.
The Rani: Come to me. Keep an absolutely straight line.
Peri: I don't understand.
The Rani: Stop bleating and do it.
The Doctor: Keep exactly in her footsteps, Peri!
(Peri follows the Rani, nearly bumping into her and knocking her close to a mine.) The Rani: Incompetent fool! You're worthless!
The Doctor: Not to me, she isn't. You'll do well to remember that.
Peri: She was going too fast.
The Rani: Can you jump without falling on your face?
Peri: Sure.
The Rani: Well, copy me and you're out of danger.
(The women hop over a visible mine and go up the slope to the Master and the Doctor.) Peri: What was that all about?
The Doctor: You wandered into a minefield of the Rani's making.
Peri: A minefield? In there? But Luke? What about Luke? Where is he?
The Doctor: He just saved your life.
Peri: What?
The Doctor: I'll explain later. Right, move, you two. I want you off this planet before you commit any further atrocities.