Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
The Unicorn And The Wasp
Chandrakala: Look sharp. We have guests.
The Doctor: Good afternoon.
Davenport: Drinks, sir? Ma'am?
Donna: Sidecar, please.
The Doctor: And a lime and soda, thank you.
Greeves: May I announce Lady Clemency Eddison.
(Lady Eddison is a petite older woman.) The Doctor: Lady Eddison.
Clemency: Forgive me, but who exactly might you be, and what are you doing here?
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. And this is Miss Donna Noble, of the Chiswick Nobles.
(Donna puts on a posh accent and drops a curtsey.) Donna: Good afternoon, my lady. Topping day, what? Spiffing. Top hole.
The Doctor: No, no, no, no, no. No, don't do that. Don't.
(The Doctor shows the psychic paper to Lady Eddison.) We were thrilled to receive your invitation, my lady. We met at the Ambassador's reception.
Clemency: Doctor, how could I forget you? But one must be sure with the Unicorn on the loose.
The Doctor: A unicorn? Brilliant. Where?
Clemency: The Unicorn. The jewel thief? Nobody knows who he is. He's just struck again. Snatched Lady Babbington's pearls right from under her nose.
Donna: Funny place to wear pearls.
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Roger: Now, my lady. What about this special guest you promised us?
Clemency: Here she is. A lady who needs no introduction.
(A thirty-something woman is embarrassed by the applause.) Agatha: No, no, please, don't. Thank you, Lady Eddison. Honestly, there's no need. Agatha Christie.
Donna: What about her?
Agatha: That's me.
Donna: No. You're kidding.
The Doctor: Agatha Christie. I was just talking about you the other day. I said, I bet she's brilliant. I'm the Doctor. This is Donna. Oh, I love your stuff. What a mind. You fool me every time. Well, almost every time. Well, once or twice. Well, once. But it was a good once.
Agatha: You make a rather unusual couple.
The Doctor: Oh, no, no, no, no. We're not married.
Donna: We're not a couple.
Agatha: Well, obviously not. No wedding ring.
The Doctor: Oh. Oh, you don't miss a trick.
Agatha: I'd stay that way if I were you. The thrill is in the chase, never in the capture.
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(Agatha has retreated to a little wrought iron gazebo just outside the house.) Donna: Do you know what I think? Those books of yours, one day they could turn them into films. They could be talking pictures.
Agatha: Talking pictures? Pictures that talk? What do you mean?
Donna: Oh, blimey, I've done it again.
Agatha: I appreciate you trying to be kind, but you're right. These murders are like my own creations. It's as though someone's mocking me, and I've had enough scorn for one lifetime.
Donna: Yeah. Thing is, I had this bloke once. I was engaged. And I loved him, I really did. Turns out he was lying through his teeth. But do you know what? I moved on. I was lucky. I found the Doctor. It's changed my life. There's always someone else.
Agatha: I see. Is my marriage the stuff of gossip now?
Donna: No, I just. Sorry.
Agatha: No matter. The stories are true. I found my husband with another woman. A younger, prettier woman. Isn't it always the way?
Donna: Well, mine was with a giant spider, but, same difference.
Agatha: You and the Doctor talk such wonderful nonsense.
Donna: Agatha, people love your books. They really do. They're going to be reading them for years to come.
Agatha: If only. Try as I might, it's hardly great literature. Now that's beyond me. I'm afraid my books will be forgotten, like ephemera. Hello, what's that? Those flowerbeds were perfectly neat earlier. now some of the stalks are bent over.
(Agatha picks up a small case.) Donna: There you go. Who'd ever notice that? You're brilliant.
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The Doctor: No. Something's inhibiting my enzymes. Argh! I've been poisoned.
(The Doctor is nearly doubled up in pain.) Donna: What do we do? What do we do?.
(Agatha sniffs his drink.) Agatha: Bitter almonds. It's cyanide. Sparkling Cyanide.
(The Doctor staggers in and grabs Davenport.) The Doctor: Ginger beer!
Davenport: I beg your pardon?
The Doctor: I need ginger beer.
Hart: The gentleman's gone mad.
(The Doctor finds his ginger beer and drinks.) Agatha: I'm an expert in poisons. Doctor, there's no cure. It's fatal.
(The Doctor spits out the surplus ginger beer.) The Doctor: Not for me. I can stimulate the inhibited enzymes into reversal. Protein. I need protein.
Donna: Walnuts?
The Doctor: Brilliant.
(The Doctor fills his mouth with them.) Donna: I can't understand you. How many words? One. One word. Shake. Milk shake. Milk? Milk? No, not milk? Shake, shake, shake. Cocktail shaker. What do you want, a Harvey Wallbanger?
The Doctor: Harvey Wallbanger?
Donna: Well, I don't know.
The Doctor: How is Harvey Wallbanger one word?
Agatha: What do you need, Doctor?
The Doctor: Salt. I was miming salt. It's salt. I need something salty.
Donna: What about this?
The Doctor: What is it?
Donna: Salt.
The Doctor: No, too salty.
Donna: Oh, that's too salty.
Agatha: What about this?.
Donna: What's that?
Agatha: Anchovies.
(The Doctor downs the contents of the jar.) Donna: What is it? What else? It's a song? Mammy? I don't know. Camptown Races?
The Doctor: Camptown Races?
Donna: Well, all right then, Towering Inferno.
The Doctor: It's a shock. Look, shock. I need a shock.
Donna: Right then. Big shock coming up.
(Donna grabs the Doctor and kisses him long and hard. When she releases him, smoke comes from his mouth.) The Doctor: Detox. Oh my. I must do that more often. I mean, the detox.
Agatha: Doctor, you are impossible. Who are you?