Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
The Pilot
Bill: What's that? A police telephone box?
The Doctor: Yeah.
Bill: Did you build it from a kit?
The Doctor: No, it came like that.
Bill: Then how did you get it in here? The door's too small and so are the windows.
The Doctor: I had the window and a part of the wall taken out and it was lifted in.
Bill: What, with a crane?
The Doctor: Yeah, with a crane. It's heavier than it looks
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Bill: Am I on time?
The Doctor: That's a very big question.
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Bill: Why do you run like that?
The Doctor: Like what?
Bill: Like a penguin with its arse on fire.
The Doctor: Ergonomics.
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(Inside the Tardis) Bill: How do we stop it getting in? We're trapped in here!
The Doctor: Nothing gets through these doors.
Bill: But they're made of wood. They've got windows!
(The Doctor goes down the ramp and turns on the power. Bill doesn't turn around.) Look, this is all mad, I know, but that's the girl I told you about. Heather. Only I don't think it's really her. I know this is hard to believe. I know you're not exactly a sci-fi person
(Then she turns around.) The Doctor: Time And Relative Dimension In Space. TARDIS for short. You're safe in here. You're safe in here and you always will be. Any questions?
Bill: Is this a knock-through?
The Doctor: Well, in a way, yes.
Bill: Look at this place. It's like a
The Doctor: Spaceship.
Bill: Kitchen.
The Doctor: A what?
Bill: A really posh kitchen, all metal. What happened with the doors, though? Did you run out of money?
The Doctor: What you are standing in is a technological marvel. It is science beyond magic. This is the gateway to everything that ever was, or ever can be.
Bill: Can I use the toilet?
The Doctor: Pardon?
Bill: I've had a fright. I need the toilet.
The Doctor: It's down there, first right, second left, past the macaroon dispenser.
Bill: Thanks.
(Nardole is coming up the stairs as Bill heads down.) Nardole: Oh, human! Human alert. Do you want me to repel her?
The Doctor: She's just passing through. She wants to use the toilet.
Nardole: Oh. I'd er give it a minute, if I were you.
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Bill: Doctor! It's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!
Nardole: Way-hey! We got there!
(Nardole and the Doctor shake hands.) Bill: How is that possible? How do you do that?
Nardole: Well, first you have to imagine a very big box fitting inside a very small box.
Bill: Okay.
Nardole: Then you have to make one. It's the second part people normally get stuck on.
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Bill: But
The Doctor: Yes.
Bill: We've moved again.
The Doctor: We have.
Bill: It was night.
The Doctor: Yep.
Bill: Now it's day.
The Doctor: Definitely day.
Bill: Oh, my God! Have we travelled in time?
The Doctor: No, of course not. We've travelled to Australia.