Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
Knock Knock
(Bill's home. She has packed her belongings into two towers of boxes in the middle of the room. Now she checks the time on her phone.) Bill: Three, two, one.
(The Tardis materialises around the boxes. The Doctor opens the door.) The Doctor: That's all you've got? I thought you'd have loads.
Bill: Thanks for helping, yeah? You should hire this out, like a removal service.
The Doctor: Removals? Bill, I'm a Time Lord
(He selects a stuffed bear from her belongings.) Bill: Time Lord? What's that, your job?
The Doctor: No. It's, er, my people, my species.
Bill: Doesn't sound like a species. Sounds posh, like, yes, my lord. Doff my cap.
The Doctor: Oh, well, that's why I gave it up. Ran away.
Bill: Time Lords. That's hilarious. Do you wear robes and big hats?
The Doctor: No. Er, big collars mostly.
(He gives her the bear.) Bill: Do you want the postcode?
The Doctor: Sorry?
Bill: To find the house.
The Doctor: Bill, the Tardis uses multi-dimensional space-time coordinates.
Bill: So you know where it is.
The Doctor: Okay, right, put the postcode in here.
************************************************** ***
Shireen: Hey. Where have you been? I thought
(sees the Doctor) Ah, you're the Doctor.
The Doctor: Yes. Hi. Can I get past?
Bill: Er yes, he's just helping with the move.
Shireen: Helping?
Bill: He's just my
The Doctor: Friend.
Bill: Grandad.
The Doctor: Wait, I don't look old enough to
Bill: To hold that box for very long.
(She takes it off him and puts it on a table.)
**************************************************
(Rattling noise.) Harry: What's that?
Felicity: Pavel?
Paul: Pavel's upstairs.
(And again.) Harry: Paul, go and have a look.
Paul: Why me?
Harry: You're physically the biggest.
Shireen: And the most expendable.
************************************************** *
Shireen: Oh, this freaky Scooby-Doo house!
Paul: Bill, if you get scared in the night, you know where I am, yeah?
Bill: What?
Paul: Just if you need any er, of my help, or my whatever, you know?
Bill: Yeah. Er, I get that you're into me, but, um, sorry, you're not my type. It's just, er I tend to go for girls, usually, so
Paul: Oh. Oh, right! I was never in with a chance. Awesome!
************************************************
Landlord: Oh, look. He's released. Mercy at last. Beautiful, isn't it? Nature contained. He's preserved in the walls, in the very fabric of the building forever.
Shireen: So this house is eating people?
Landlord: We must all pay our dues.
Bill: But not you?
Landlord: Correct. I am the exception.
(He taps the panelling.) For I am your landlord.
(Scritching noise.) You came here, you signed the contract. And now
(He uses his tuning fork.) It's time to pay.
*************************************************
(Nardole is fiddling at the vault door.) Nardole: Oh, here he comes.
The Doctor: Are you being cheerful? I'm against cheerful.
(The Doctor is carrying two plastic takeaway bags.) Nardole: Bill told me you went on a little adventure. You see?
The Doctor: I see what?
Nardole: Well, you don't have to go to outer space to find monsters. There's plenty of things that want to kill you right here on Earth.
The Doctor: Result.
Nardole Ooo. Actually, I'm not that hungry.
The Doctor: Well, I am.
Nardole: Obviously.
The Doctor: Okay, you can take the rest of the night off. Go on, go and do whatever it is you do. Actually, what do you do? No! Never tell me that.
Nardole: I just want to have a look at this. Our friend inside's been a little restive lately.
The Doctor: Ah, I can sort that out.
Nardole: No, it's all right, I don't mind.
The Doctor: Goodnight, Nardole.
Nardole: Right. Goodnight, sir. See you in the morning.
(Nardole starts to leave. Piano music plays - Fur Elise by Beethoven.) A piano? You've put a piano in there? Why?
The Doctor: Goodnight.
Nardole:
(sighs) Oh, you don't learn, do you, sir.
(Nardole leaves. The Doctor taps on the vault door.) The Doctor: Hey! Do you want dinner? I've got Mexican.
(The piano music stops. The Doctor works some controls on the vault door.) Look, I know you miss it all, but I'm stuck here too, you know? We're both prisoners. So what do you say, dinner? And I've got a new story for you, too. There's a haunted house and woodlice from space. And lots of young people get eaten.
(Piano - Half a pound of tuppenny rice, half a pound of treacle. That's the way the money goes. Pop Goes The Weasel! The Doctor opens the vault.) I'm coming in.