Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
Kerblam!
(The light enters the Tardis and turns into a humanoid robot in uniform and cap, holding a box. A jingle plays.) Delivery Bot: Delivery for the Doctor.
The Doctor: Ah, it's the Kerblam man!
Yasmin: It's the what?
The Doctor: The Kerblam man.
Graham: You're just making sounds now.
(The Doctor takes the box from the Bot.) Delivery Bot: Delivery fulfilled. And remember, if you want it, Kerblam it!
(The Bot dissolves into the Kerblam logo, the jingle plays again and then it disappears completely.) Graham: Space postman. I've seen it all now.
The Doctor: Delivery bots. Kerblam's the biggest retailer in this galaxy. I don't remember ordering anything. Must've been a while back.
(She opens the box and takes out a red fez.) Oh. What do you think?
(puts it on) Still me?
Graham: Nice.
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Ryan: Is it me, or are they pretty creepy?
Graham: It ain't you.
The Doctor: Oi, you two, that's robophobic. Some of my best friends are robots.
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Judy: Rule number one. Keep all loose clothing, hair and body parts away from the conveyors. And never, ever climb onto the conveyors. Any person found on the conveyor faces immediate termination.
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System: Kerblam performance status. All systems currently at optimal...
(The voice slurs and stops, the power goes out. The TeamMates all slump.) The Doctor: Another power drain?
System: Functionality. System online.
(A man walks through.) Slade: All right, it's just a glitch. Back to work. Come on, Kira, re-engage brain, if you can find it.
Kira: Sorry, Mister Slade.
Ryan: Hey, don't talk to her like that.
Kira: It's okay.
The Doctor: No, it's not.
Slade: Who are you?
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I'm new. And you are?
Slade: Jarva Slade, Warehouse Executive. Your boss.
The Doctor: Well, you've certainly got the clipboard for it. Be nicer to Kira, please.
Slade: How would you like a warning for insubordination?
The Doctor: I'd love one. I could add it to my collection.
Kira: Doctor, don't.
The Doctor: Gentle people skills advice for you, Mister Slade. Respect goes both ways. The best managers, the really good ones, value their staff and know instinctively if someone's in trouble, or is asking for help. Now, how good a manager are you? Know anyone who needs help?
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The Doctor: I'm stupid, really stupid. Can you believe how stupid I am?
Graham: Is that a rhetorical question?
The Doctor: I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. There's too many things going on, too many variables. My brain's too crowded.
Judy: What's she talking about?
Graham: No idea. You get used to it. She normally explains in the end.
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The Doctor: Deadly bubble wrap. Totally innocuous, apart from when it's intercepted here and weaponised. Sheets of tiny little bombs, ready to explode and kill. Every parcel a death-trap. The workers aren't the targets. It's the customers.
Graham: Kerblam's trying to kill their own customers? That's the worst business plan I've ever heard.