Lazer cobra: Death strike

Doug Grifton's 1983 B-Movie is a minor classic of the Robot Snake Genre (who can forget classics like Rattletron 3000 and Bionic Boa Riders) which did good business on VHS, thanks to it's outrageous body count and frequently bloody nudity.

Starring fading action jock Grail Rudder (Pray to My Gun / Taste My Barrels / Time Tank) as elite Marine Sgt. Welt Rockford and Trixi La Boom as his plucky Tomboy righthand and eventual love interest Private Rene Flintish*.


In an extended pre-credit prologue we are taken to a hidden underground lab belonging to the secretive and amoral Omni Corp., an amorphous grouping of heartless business men, Banana Republic despots and religious organisations who have joined together to create weapons that will control and oppress the populace once the planned one world government is put into effect.

Among their most secretive and deadly projects is Lazer Cobra, 200 yards of slithering metallic death, with jaws capable of chewing through suspension bridge cables and an acidic venom that induces insanity and death in those unfortunate enough to feel it's sweet burning sting.




When pumped up super soldier Welt Rockford is seconded to a unit in charge of guarding the killer droid-snake, all seems routine in his world. In fact, a cushy few weeks of security duty feels like a godsend after months in the sticky green hell of the Amazon jungle. But things don't turn out as a planned when an apparent systems malfunction, which turns out to be an act of politically motivated sabotage, frees the Lazer Cobra, unleashing reptilian death and robotic fury onto the streets of Manhattan.

Powerless in the face of the most sophisticated weapon ever devised by man, the authorities and citizens of New York can only die, trembling and incontinent at the fangs of a machine built only to spread pain, suffering and death.

In theory that is. In practice the shocking sights and terrifying shocks promised by the PR hype are portrayed most often by singed extras who report second hand that "That Goddamn snake has torched the Chryslar Building" or "Eaten my children!". When we eventually see the robot snake in all it's glory, we are presented with a silver sprayed rattler with LEDs glued to its head which has been let loose on a very shaky model of New York City. Eagle eyed viewers will be able to see the directors 'poking stick' come into frame on numerous occasions as the filmmaker attempts to persuade the snake to go in the desired direction.

Producer Hal Machiano handed directorial duties for Lazer Cobra to Senior Runner Doug Grifton in what must be one of the fastest promotions in the movie business. Manciano was originally to direct but was unavoidably detained in Chad after some trouble involving a tribal leaders rotund daughter, a velvet bag full of blood diamonds and an unpaid room service bill described in the then current edition of Hotelier Monthly as "bigger than God".

Under qualified and woefully out of his depth, Grifton was prone to hiding in his trailer weeping, leaving the cast and crew to direct themselves while their leader sat in semi-darkness, practising his autograph in a haze of prescription medication.

The results, though profitable thanks to a remarkable and throughly sexist promotional campaign, were judged so poor by the doyens of Hollywood that the producers weren't allowed to list Alan Smithee as director, lest the other films carrying the Nom De Plume be judged in a similar light.



DVD SLEEVE

LAZER COBRA MAIN THEME by WEEVIL





DISCO COBRA 3000 by WEEVIL





Tracks included on their 1984 album Psychedelic Valhalla




Grail Rudder - Selected Filmography


1971 The Chinese Laundry Explosion

1971 Brock Danders: Enemy of Justice

1972 Endless Roads, Broken Brakes

1972 Cowboys of the Cosmos

1972 Big City Chameleon

1973 Attila the Hung

1974 Republican Cop

1975 Republican Cop 2: Gun Fetish

1976 The Paper Cut Assassin

1977 Day of the Lemming

1978 Pray to My Gun

1979 Grimace of the Frost Monster

1980 Lost Voyage of the Disco Pirates

1982 Bronx Zombies

1983 Lazer Cobra: Death Strike

1983 Kid Tycoon

1983 High School Holocaust

1984 Stab Camp 2

1985 Arachnodroid

1987 Taste My Barrels

1989 Time Tank




Trixi La Boom - Selected Filmography


1978 Space Hussies of the Poon Tang Nebula

1978 The Gun Bitchs of Monte Carlo

1979 Sex Queries of the Inuit

1980 The Asteroid Virus

1980 Emergency Ward Monkey

1980 American Whiplash

1980 Burning Lust of the Yeti Women

1981 Flesh Aerobics

1982 Karate Boys Vs Vampire Elvis

1983 24 Hour Neon Wacky Shack

1984 The Emperor of Antartica

1985 Sophies Choice 2: Regular or Unleaded

1985 Breasts of the Valkerie

1986 Screwball Holocaust

1986 Blame it on Bella

1987 The Feline Endorsement

1990 Mount Rushmore Lives!

1991 Slack Jawed Mountain Girls

1992 The Road Beasts of Rumble Cavern


*Their love is consumated in a scene involving helmet removal, cascading tresses and glasses being taken off with meaningful glances...