Film review - NIKOS THE IMPALER (Andreas Schnaas)

Before you watch this, you need to understand that German splatter is basically about taking everything that is bad about filmmaking and, with the exception of Jorg Buttgereit, you’re unlikely to find any real cinematic masterpieces. I’ve suffered through various Olaf Ittenbach movies and that was basically enough to tell me I was on to something pretty awful. So, having fairly low expectations of Nikos The Impaler probably worked in the film’s favour in this instance as I actually found it relatively enjoyable.


The plot can be summed up as an ancient barbarian gets unleashed during an art exhibition and starts killing off everyone in the building before going on a rampage across New York. The film makes no pretensions; it’s a simple story and it encompasses the basic formations of a slasher movie, which I personally admire more than certain amateur filmmakers who try and do something that is way above their capabilities. The acting is so bad it’s a true inspiration, in the sense that if they can do it then I bloody well can! There’s no depth to the characters whatsoever. You’ve got two gay lovers, one of whom is a walking stereotype, checking himself out in the mirror while the other is such a big girls blouse he actually pukes at the sight of a painting. Then you’ve got two college slackers who are only at the gallery for extra credit and to score chicks. Some of the characters are actually quite likeable though, in a teen comedy sense at least. Thankfully there is no attempt to make us feel any kind of empathy for any of the characters and the comedy edge makes it easier to accept them for what they are and then laugh as they get their guts spilled across the floor.


Which brings me rather messily to the important bit; THE GORE! Which this film delivers in spades, no two ways about it. Limbs fly, heads roll, faces are sliced off and blood sprays out in a slightly unrealistic manner…you get the picture. It’s all slightly over the top and some of it is a little hard to take seriously, such as when a guy’s head is chopped off at the mouth leaving a tongue perfectly in tact and flapping about…yeah, okay. But it’s fun! And I think this here Andreas Schnass pokes fun at himself a great deal, with references to previous works like Demonium and Zombie Doom, and of course the cameo appearance from Lloyd Kaufmann is a nice touch especially given that he is in a video store full of Troma videos and discussing Citizen Toxie at the moment he is ripped open! Even Lamberto Bava’s Demons is paid homage in this film too, with a scene of movie-theatre mayhem!


Some of the special effects are laughable, such as when the car bursts into seemingly flat yellow flames. What’s that all about? The CGI effects in this film are the most laughable thing of all really and the less said the better. That said, I’d take this any day over one of the over-produced Hollywood horror franchise movies and while it’s not fantastic, it’s not artistic nor does it really stimulate any brain cells, it is at least unpretentious, good gore-splattered fun!