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'Blood: The Last Vampire' OR 'Blood: The Last Time I Want To See This Rubbish!'

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Posted 2nd July 2009 at 02:17 PM by iluvdvds@Cult Labs
Updated 2nd July 2009 at 03:35 PM by iluvdvds@Cult Labs

The new demon-fest, kung-fu manga-adap has finally reached our cinemas! It's just a shame it SUCKED so much! This review serves as a public warning!


WOW! Well, what can I say about this? It was a genuinely amazing piece of art! I cannot recommend this film more highly. Full of gore, comedy, action, tension and suspense. The special effects blew me away – they looked so realistic yet had a touch of a comical, almost fantastical, element to then.

Anyways, that’s enough talk about DAWN OF THE DEAD, let’s move on to the film I said I’d review. BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE. Mmm. Wow! Well, what can I say about this? It was a genuinely pointless piece of shit! I cannot recommend this film at all! Full of pathetic gore, unintentional comedy, ridiculous action and as much tension and suspense as an ASDA commercial. The special effects blew me away for the simple fact that they were so terrible – they looked so unrealistic and was completely comical... but in a bad way!

As you probably can tell, this film’s major let down was the CGI. To be quite frank, I’ve played PS1 games that have better animation than this film. The blood that is sprayed and splashed about by the female protagonist’s samurai sword as she decapitates, slices and chops her way through countless demons looks completely and utterly fake. Firstly, the ‘blood’ doesn’t seem to be liquid, it’s colour is wrong and, even more bizarrely, the blood seems to be floating! Almost as though this is taking place in outer space, with zero gravity. They look more like CGI Aero bubbles than anything else! And don’t get me started on the main monster! Like most [good] films of this nature, the character has a big battle with a stronger foe and there’s normally a building of suspense and then a final big reveal of this super powerful and dangerous creature. Well, not in this film. The character does indeed turn into a beast. But the whole audience (the few stupid enough to see it. Ahem) burst out laughing once the reveal took place. I have never seen anything quite as stupid looking as this – especially in a film from 2009! Now, I seriously don’t mind bad, or not that believable, special effects, a few films that leap to mind are JASON AND THE ARGONAUGHTS, ONE MILLION YEARS B.C, KING KONG (1933), etc, but they were made quite a while ago! And what’s more, this was funded by Warner Brothers ! But that’s not the whole of it; this film seems to use the terrible CGI every moment they can possibly use it! There’s only one or two shots of real (non-CGI) gore and that’s very minimal. There seems to be more animation in this than the original manga (!); even the shots that do not necessarily need any animation, have. For the finale, black dot things were randomly floating around the screen! Why ? I have no idea – maybe the film had made me crazy and I had started seeing things.

But, special effects are not the only part of a film (try telling that to TRANSFORMERS!), but the rest of the film is also equally bad. The dialogue is OMG LOL funny, with a few lines that would fit nice and snugly into one of Ed Wood’s ‘classics’. There is also an attempt at a deeper sub-plot, with flash backs of the girl’s childhood etc. But surprise surprise (or maybe not) this also flops, and serves to be more of an unintentional parody to KILL BILL 2! Oh, and don't forget the STAR WARSesque ending that pops out of nowhere!

Overall, this film is dreadful. Easily the worst film I’ve seen of the year. But you know what, I really enjoyed it! It was fun and it made me laugh and laugh whilst taking the piss out of it. So for that, this deserves at least a 1 out of 5! See it if, like me, you can see it for cheap and really enjoy a terrible film. If not stick to the manga - which is Okay. I do really believe that if this film was made 30 + years ago, this would definitely be on my list of so bad they’re brilliant films. The closest comparison I can give, is one of those so bad they're brilliant grindhouse films we luv so much - so go along for the fun of it, not the intellegence!
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  1. Old Comment
    Stefan@Cult Labs's Avatar
    Thanks for the warning! Not a fan of bad CGI.

    Nearly saw this last week but we ended up seeing Drag me to Hell instead, which sadly none of us enjoyed

    Any recommendations for films in the cinema this week?

    Btw nice colour theme!
    Comment with Quote permalink
    Posted 2nd July 2009 at 04:31 PM by Stefan@Cult Labs Stefan@Cult Labs is offline
  2. Old Comment
    iluvdvds@Cult Labs's Avatar
    You didn't like Drag Me To Hell?! Why was that? I absolutly luved it - one of the best films I've seen at the cinema this year.

    As for recommendations, I've yet to see the new Transformers - which should be cool - but most looking forward to Bruno!

    Btw - why thank you
    Comment with Quote permalink
    Posted 2nd July 2009 at 05:38 PM by iluvdvds@Cult Labs iluvdvds@Cult Labs is offline
  3. Old Comment
    mark meakin's Avatar
    Bruno sounds like the film to watch out for.Shame about this flick as it looked good !
    Comment with Quote permalink
    Posted 3rd July 2009 at 01:22 PM by mark meakin mark meakin is offline
  4. Old Comment
    mark meakin's Avatar
    My missus saw Drag Me to Hell with her brother who normally hates horror & he loved it !
    Comment with Quote permalink
    Posted 3rd July 2009 at 01:23 PM by mark meakin mark meakin is offline
  5. Old Comment
    mark meakin's Avatar
    Sounds up my street too as I like the unseen horrors type of movie like Night Of The Demon (1957) & the Haunting (1963)
    Comment with Quote permalink
    Posted 3rd July 2009 at 01:23 PM by mark meakin mark meakin is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Kyle's Avatar
    i went to see this and i hated the cgi demons they looked terrible,but the main girl ooohhh yeah gigity gigity
    Comment with Quote permalink
    Posted 16th July 2009 at 12:02 AM by Kyle Kyle is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Nosferatu@Cult Labs's Avatar
    It is a dreadful film - you can iron out so much bad dialogue and clunky direction with excellent CGI, creating a real visual treat, but when the CGI is sub-Harryhausen standard, then you have a real problem.

    All of the characters were underdeveloped and the 'big reveal' was obvious from about 10 minutes in.

    Drag Me To Hell, on the other hand, was a terrific return to the good fun horrors of the 1980s - particularly the first two Evil Dead movies with the mix of horror, gore and absurdist humour. If you didn't catch it at the cinema, it's definitely one to pick up on DVD or BD.
    Comment with Quote permalink
    Posted 22nd July 2009 at 05:38 PM by Nosferatu@Cult Labs Nosferatu@Cult Labs is offline
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