What Films Have You Seen Recently?

[Frankie Teardrop]

BIRDEMIC - “The best worst movie of all time!” blurts a quote on the back. I wonder how the maker, James Nguyen, feels about that. At first glance, it's difficult to tell whether 'Birdemic' is a deliberate exercise in ironic schlock, or just a guileless mess put together by sub-amateurs. Whichever is truer, 'Birdemic' has its charms. It starts off as a romance between some kind of computer guy and a woman he spots in a cafe, but apparently went to school with. Their relationship unfolds over a succession of dates and phone calls that take us well into the mid-section of the film. Then, without warning, the world / country / town is beset by a bird attack. Killer eagles descend upon the community and force bf and gf to take to the road in a bid to escape the catastrophe. Et cetera. So yeah, 'Birdemic' doesn't win any points at all for stretching the conceptual envelope, and you could go the whole hog and say that even Rene Cardona Jr's ultra-drecky 'Birds of Prey' had a more original storyline. Likewise, any other conventional cinematic competence is absent, often strikingly so – acting, photography, direction, editing are all abysmal, deliberately or not. If you're going to get anything out of 'Birdemic' at all, the goodies really are all stuffed in the compartment marked 'Bad, bad filmmaking. Please stay away'. If you fancy sticking your hands into that hamper, then there are many delights. The distended romance is mind numbingly boring, but is enlivened by the awkward exchanges between the lovers – bad acting warped by editing so incompetent it makes it sound as though people with communication disorders are trying to talk to one another from two different zones of reality. The birds themselves are done badly, of course, via the ultimate movie special effect sin, shite CGI. The tone and atmosphere are such that it's almost as if someone wanted to make something with the feel of a corporate training video, but really messed up and turned it into that Hitchcock homage which no-one would pay them to do. 'Birdemic' shares some qualities with the mysterious 'After Last Season'. It's less mind boggling, but leaves its audience with the same lingering questions – how much of this was intended? Am I the victim of an elaborate prank? Could the director tell what other people watching it might think? In the wake of these questions, 'so bad it's good' interpretations give way to a more profound level of headf*ck and confusion about the state of humanity. Not that you would call 'Birdemic' profound, unless you were deeply into zen. It's good though that a film this distorted is freely available on the high street, when years ago it would've been impounded by Which? under the trade descriptions act. In other words, definitely worth watching.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Botched (2007)

Stephen Dorff plays a petty criminal enlisted by Russian mafioso Sean Pertwee, to steal an ancient gold cross from the penthouse floor of a Moscow skyscraper.

Botched is a film i've enjoyed several times over the years. Straddling that fine horror comedy line this works brilliantly thanks to a good cast who largely play it all deadpan rather than acting up, and some equally bloody murders.

The first half is almost Tarantino-esq in it's set up - the heist gone wrong with some crazy characters including Jamie Foreman's gangster who works well with the straight up Dorff. One or two of the characters, such as Geoff Bell's mad as a hatter 'typical' Russian soldier and Bronagh Gallagher's ever so slightly odd Sonya, work because of their almost parody like performances.

As the film plays out events become even more bizarre and even more grizzly, at times you won't know whether to laugh or cry and the revelation as to who actually owns the penthouse is frankly, nuts.

One of the best horror comedies from this century, Botched is well worth investigating.

[Demoncrat]

Just picked up Botched for 10p funnily enough ... along with the REAL worst best worst film ... 2012 (on blu ...10p!! )

AANYway ...

Space Rage (1985, Conrad A Palmsimo)
Micheal Pare looks like what I always imagined Sick Boy fae Trainspotting to resemble. This has nae bearing on the rest o'the review .... just a peek into my cranny
MP is a desperate man.Saddled with a macho veneer in a film where even the bints are hard boiled, he seeks respite from society's bonds by merely being himself. Equally sadly this lands him in the stocks so to speak. Being a selfcontained kind of fellow, he struggles to find his place in a new and exciting enviroment .... but nae for long

OR


Shit bloweth uppest in space prison romp.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Mr. Turner (2014)

Mike Leigh's biopic of the later life of JMW Turner, probably Britain's greatest ever artist, is a sumptuously photographed and beautifully acted film which is let down by it's fractured structure.

The film doesn't flow smoothly, scenes never connect and it's fragmented nature means it never properly involved me, although i was at times watching in awe at the immense beauty of the cinematography and Leigh's insistence on keeping it Grittish by having Timothy Spall's Turner shagging his housekeeper at random moments, a housekeeper who came across equally as grizzled as the grunting Turner.

Interesting, but a one watch experience as far as i'm concerned.

[J Harker]

Originally Posted by Demdike@Cult Labs

Mr. Turner (2014)

Mike Leigh's biopic of the later life of JMW Turner, probably Britain's greatest ever artist, is a sumptuously photographed and beautifully acted film which is let down by it's fractured structure.

The film doesn't flow smoothly, scenes never connect and it's fragmented nature means it never properly involved me, although i was at times watching in awe at the immense beauty of the cinematography and Leigh's insistence on keeping it Grittish by having Timothy Spall's Turner shagging his housekeeper at random moments, a housekeeper who came across equally as grizzled as the grunting Turner.

Interesting, but a one watch experience as far as i'm concerned.

Any film involving Timothy Spall shagging sounds like an interesting but one watch experience to me.

[Vampix]

Originally Posted by J Harker

Any film involving Timothy Spall shagging sounds like an interesting but one watch experience to me.

[Demoncrat]

Now perusing Danny Draven's stodgy yet threadbare reality TV "parody" Hell Asylum.
A film that I hold in high regard for all that
The dialogue parroted by the cast to a community theatre standard is just the icing on a dry yet fetid cake.
Plus one of the characters is called Ambrosia.

[Nosferatu@Cult Labs]

Originally Posted by Demdike@Cult Labs

Mr. Turner (2014)

Interesting, but a one watch experience as far as i'm concerned.

Odd you should feel that way as I have seen it two or three times and would happily watch it again. As you said, the cinematography is sublime and Timothy Spall is, as always, absolutely brilliant.

I didn't have a problem with the structure because it seemed to flow quite smoothly when I was watching it in the cinema and it isn't something which I have subsequently noticed or even thought about.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Originally Posted by Nosferatu@Cult Labs

Odd you should feel that way as I have seen it two or three times and would happily watch it again. As you said, the cinematography is sublime and Timothy Spall is, as always, absolutely brilliant.

I didn't have a problem with the structure because it seemed to flow quite smoothly when I was watching it in the cinema and it isn't something which I have subsequently noticed or even thought about.

It felt as if you could easily wander off and get a drink for example, miss a whole scene, but it wouldn't harm the plot due to the non-linear narrative as it was just glimpses into the mans life rather than any sort of story. I wasn't even sure how much time had passed during the films length.

[Nosferatu@Cult Labs]

Originally Posted by Demdike@Cult Labs

It felt as if you could easily wander off and get a drink for example, miss a whole scene, but it wouldn't harm the plot due to the non-linear narrative as it was just glimpses into the mans life rather than any sort of story. I wasn't even sure how much time had passed during the films length.

I suppose that is to be expected with a non-linear biography where the timeframe is only known to those who are very familiar with the subject material. I knew almost nothing about J.M.W. Turner so the period wasn't particularly significant – it only became really apparent as to when it was set when Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were in one scene – and I treated it more as a character study than anything else. In that sense, sometimes even the painting took secondary significance to Turner's relationships with his father, wife, landlady/mistress, and other artists.