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  #691  
Old 15th November 2018, 07:35 PM
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Return Of The Living Dead.

Chuck: Lets get some light over here Trash is taking her clothes off again.

Burt: One Question, Frank, the guy screaming in there you sure he's a dead cadaver?
Frank: why dont you open the door and find out.
Burt: Uhh...its ok Frank i'll take your word for it.

(After hitting a zombie in the head with a pickaxe)
Frank: The Brain...The Brain.
Burt: I HIT THE F@CKING BRAIN.


Burt: I thought you said if we hit the brain it'd die.
Frank: It worked in the movie.
Burt: Well it ain't working now.
Freddy: You mean the movie lied?
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  #692  
Old 8th January 2019, 10:01 PM
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Salem's Lot

Jason Berk: Marsten House still the centre of the story?
Ben Mears: Yep?
Jason Berk: And the Glick boys? You connect them with the house?
Ben Mears: Everything is Salem's lot is connected to that house. You can see from every part of the town. It's like a beacon throwing off an energy force.

Haunted Honeymoon 1986.

Aunt Kate: Where is Frances Jnr?
Frances Snr: I don't know Kate. He said he be up here this afternoon. I thought sure he'd be here for dinner.
Aunt Kate: One of my dresses is missing. Has he been at it again?
Frances Snr: No! uh no no no.
(turns to Vicki)
My son does this wonderful impression of Aunt Kate, he has got her voice down to a tee. And well, sometimes he like to uh, put on one of Aunt Kate's dresses to entertain at family gatherings.
Vicki Pearle: I see.
Frances Snr: Oh you should have seen him last Christmas. Such Fun.
Aunt Kate: (sarcastic) Yes. And when the police dragged him out of the ladies room at Sach's Fifth Avenue that was fun.

Pfister: ( after the light have gone out) The lights have gone out, Madam.
Charles: (clapping sarcasticly) Good old Pfister, soon figured that one out,
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  #693  
Old 27th July 2019, 10:45 PM
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Default veep Season seven

VEEP-S7-HEADER.jpg


Dan...
Quote:
Maybe I gotta cut out
all the meaningless sex
with girls half my age.
I mean, you pull it out
to cum on her tits
'cause you think it's gonna
make you feel alive.
But it doesn't matter
where you cum, Ames.
Ya know? It just doesn't. It just
- It doesn't.

BEN: Eat a few corn dogs

SELINA: Last thing I need is my picture being taken eating dick-shaped food.
I 'd rather eat a food-shaped dick.



Madam President, I have been trying repeatedly to get your office to sign off
on a presidential funeral plan.And since your tenure was so unusually brief,
I took the liberty of using President Ford's ceremony as a template.

SELINA:Who?- Uh, that's not gonna work.He was lucky not to get dumped out of a pickup truck into a quarry.
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  #694  
Old 7th August 2019, 07:13 PM
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TREMORS

Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.

Earl Bassett: Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well you're half right.

[trapped on top of a boulder by a Graboid, Val, Earl, and Rhonda are thinking of explanations for where the creatures came from]
Valentine McKee: [joking] They're mutations caused by radiation. No, wait; the government made 'em. *Big* surprise for the Russians.
Rhonda LeBeck: Well, there's nothing like them in the fossil record... Okay, so they predate the fossil record.
[not buying it herself]
Rhonda LeBeck: That'd make them a couple of billion years old... and we've just never seen one until now. Right.
Earl Bassett: I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.

Earl Bassett: Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do, once a plan fails!

Rhonda LeBeck: They only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we... distract them somehow?
Valentine McKee: Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a... like a decoy!
Earl Bassett: Hey Melvin... wanna make a buck?


TREMORS 2

Kate (White) Reilly: Who named them graboids anyway?
Earl Bassett: [chuckles] A friend of ours, Walter Chang, he named them, then they ate him.

[about a groaning Graboid]
Earl Bassett: Must be sick.
Grady: Probably ate someone that didn't agree with it.

Burt Gummer: I feel I was denied critical need-to-know information.
(holds up two pistols)
Burt Gummer: I am COMPLETELY out of ammo. That's never happened to me before.

[hiding from the Shriekers, Earl, Grady, and Kate are on top of some containers, Burt is inside the scoop of a bulldozer]

Grady: Burt, are you *sure* you don't have any more bullets? Did you check *all* your pockets?
Burt Gummer: You know, as I lie here, I can't help but comment... the reason I am out of nine-millimeter rounds is that I was not properly briefed. And the reason for that is that this mission was not properly researched. If certain people had bothered to gather intelligence on the creatures before bumbling into the situation...
Earl Bassett: Knock it off, Burt! Nobody made you come!
Burt Gummer: ...We wouldn't be down here with single-shot big bores when we should be packing full auto, preferably belt-fed!
[a Shrieker near Burt grunts loudly]
Burt Gummer: Shut up!

TREMORS 3

[about the FEDS]
[over radio]
Burt: Need I remind you Jack? They are not your friends, they are government agents. OVER!
Jack: [also over radio] Cut me some slack, Burt! All I did was a little negotiatin'.
Burt: You did *what*?
Jack: I cut us a deal! You help 'em catch one live graboid, they give you back your huntin' license, over.
Burt: [Burt drives up, stopping next to Jack. Jodi notices them still talking on the radio] Uhhh, copy that. Roger. One question.
Jack: Shoot.
Burt: [Off radio, getting out of the vehicle] Is your head up your ass for the warmth?

[Suggesting names for the flying monsters]
Jodi Chang: Assblasters. How's that?
Jack: Sounds like a porno film.

[after Burt blows up his home to keep the assblaster from eating the food, and finding out food stops them]
Burt: What kind of supreme being would condone such irony?
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  #695  
Old 27th August 2019, 09:53 PM
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Default tv show quotes

S03E08 - Debate....

Gary: What do you think of the new cut, huh? Do you like it?
Mike: Of course I don't f**king like it! It's the worst use of scissors since my failed vasectomy!
Gary: The elven look is in right now, I was reading about it.
Mike: People don't elect elves, okay. They put them to work in grottos or get them drunk at frat parties so they can toss them.
Gary: That's dwarves.
Mike: It doesn't matter.
Gary: Do you really think it's too short?.
Mike: Yeah. She looks like k.d. lang. Think of all the lesbian jokes we're gonna have to suffer. "Strap-on Selina," "Selina Navratilova? "Fingering the dyke." ..

veep3.jpg

S03E07 - Special Relationship

Jonah: Let's check out your chart. Let's see how you're doing, here. Okay. All right. Dan Egan, 67, female. Unemployed campaign manager. Thirty different types of semen pumped from stomach, inverted nipples, abnormally high douche readings--that makes sense. Cancer of the soul, traces of dog excrement found around the corners of mouth. Chronic cretinism, leprosy, anal bleeding. Uh... tiny child balls?
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  #696  
Old 29th August 2019, 11:17 AM
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Television rather than film

'Dad's Army' - Series 6, episode 1 - 'The Deadly Attachment'

I'm sure that everyone knows the classic scene in this epsode:

Mainwaring: [the platoon is holding a U-boat crew as prisoners. Pike is covering them from the top of a ladder, holding a tommy gun. Mainwaring addresses them] Now pay attention.
[the Germans snap smartly to attention]
Wilson: Oh I say, they're awfully well-disciplined, aren't they, sir?
Mainwaring: Nothing of the sort. It's slavish, blind obedience. Not like the cheerful discipline of our own jolly jack tars. I tell you Wilson, they're a nation of automatons, led a lunatic who looks like Charlie Chaplin.
U-Boat Captain: How dare you compare our glorious leader with that non-Aryan clown!
Mainwaring: Now look here...
U-Boat Captain: [Takes out pencil and notebook] I am making notes Captain. And your name... will go on the list. And when we win he war, you will be brought to account.
Mainwaring: Write what you like, you're not going to win this war.
U-Boat Captain: Oh, yes we are.
Mainwaring: Oh, no you're not!
U-Boat Captain: Oh, yes we are!
Pike: [singing and laughing] Whistle while you work, Hitler is a twerp, he's half-barmy, so's his army, whistle while you...
U-Boat Captain: [Points pencil at Pike. The words die on Pike's lips] Your name will also go on the list. What is it?
Mainwaring: Don't tell him, Pike!
U-Boat Captain: 'Pike', thank you.

However, because people are so familiar with this, an earlier surrealistic scene is unfortunately overlooked

Mainwaring: Pay attention. I've received a directive from GHQ about Nazi parachutists. I'll read it. "There is a danger the Home Guard might confuse British pilots bailing out with German parachute troops. Not that our chaps get shot down often, but this could happen. Remember that no British plane contains more than six men". So if you see some parachutists floating down, you count them, and if there are more than six, you shoot them.
Pike: Mr Mainwaring? If they're dressed as nuns, do we still count them?
Mainwaring: Count them however they're dressed. But it isn't likely that a plane-load of real nuns would be floating down in parachutes.
Jones: You can't be too sure, sir. I look at it this way - supposing in Occupied France there's this nunnery, and one day the chief nun calls the others round and says, "Now, listen, girls, let us escape to dear old England." They all creep out, they get hold of a plane, and fly and fly. When they get to England, they're not cognisant with landing methods, so they jump out in parachutes.
Mainwaring: You're into the realms of fantasy here.
Jones: It's a possibility, sir. It's a possibility.
Mainwaring: Very unlikely, but we must be prepared.
WIlson: It's really all quite simple. When they come floating down, the turbulence of the air will cause their habits to rise so you'll see their legs, and you can tell if it's a real nun or not.
Mainwaring: Yes. Very good point, Wilson.
Wilson: Thank you.
Mainwaring: Very good. You must look at their legs.
Godfrey: Sir, I wouldn't care to look at a nun's legs. It's very impolite.
Mainwaring: Force yourself - this is war!
Pike: Mr Mainwaring?
Mainwaring: Yes?
Pike: What are nuns' legs like? I've never seen them.
Walker: I don't think anybody has.
Frazer: Hairy 'uns!
Mainwaring: What did you say, Frazer?
Frazer: If they're Nazis, they'll have horrible hairy legs wi' jackboots.
Pike: What if they're real nuns with hairy legs?
Mainwaring: That'll do.
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  #697  
Old 29th December 2019, 01:57 AM
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Murder By Death.

Willie Wang: Some fog, eh, Pop?

Sidney Wang: I've already heard the weather report. Drive, please.

Willie Wang: It's as thick as pea soup. Not a soul around for miles. Know what l think? Perfect place for a murder.

Sidney Wang: Conversation like television set on honeymoon: unnecessary.

Willie Wang: Where are we going, anyway, Pop? Who is this Mr. Twain? What'd he mean, "dinner and a murder"?

Sidney Wang: Questions like athlete's foot: After a while, very irritating. To stop car, please.

Willie Wang: What's wrong?

Sidney Wang: Stop car, please. Shut engine off, please. Listen.

Willie Wang: I don't hear nothing. What do you hear?

Sidney Wang: Double negative and dog






Marcel: Something isn't right in all of this, eh. I can feel it in my buns.

Inspector Milo Perrier: Your what?

Marcel: My buns.

Inspector Milo Perrier: Buns? Your buns? You bought buns and you didn't tell me? Where are they? Where are the buns?

Marcel: Oh! No, monsieur. The BONES in my body.

Inspector Milo Perrier: You should not speak with an accent when you know I am so hungry.


[stumbling around during a blackout]

Dora Charleston: Dickie, don't. You know how I get when you touch me there.

Dick Charleston: Me, darling? I've got my hands in my pockets.

Sam Diamond: I'm afraid they're my pockets.

Dick Charleston: Oh, sorry about that.

Dora Charleston: Dickie, behave yourself.



Milo Perrier: He's gone!

Jessica Marbles: Who's gone?

Milo Perrier: The butler. Here's the key.

Sidney Wang: If butler gone, where you find key?

Milo Perrier: In his pocket.

Jessica Marbles: What pocket?

Milo Perrier: The butler's pocket.

Sidney Wang: Butler gone but pocket still there





Sidney Wang: It is late, and my eyes are getting tired.

Sam Diamond: I thought they always looked like that.

Jessica Marbles: Knock it off, Sam!

Sam Diamond: I apologize. This case is getting to me. I'm sorry, Slanty.

Sidney Wang: Um... thank you.
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  #698  
Old 31st December 2019, 04:42 PM
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Suspiria (2018)

Susie Bannion - “It felt like what I think it must feel like to f*ck.”

Madame Blanc - “Do you mean f*ck a man?”

Susie Bannion - “No. I was thinking of an animal”

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  #699  
Old 31st December 2019, 07:52 PM
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Saw a Dog Soldiers quote upthread, so i'll go with this one.

Sarge and Cooper are discussing an imminent problem for the sarge after his wounds have mysteriously healed.

Sarge: Maybe it's like wanting a piss. You know, when you gotta go, you gotta go.

Cooper: Maybe it's more like wanting a dump. Just 'cos you need one, you don't just drop your kecks and pinch one off.
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  #700  
Old 31st December 2019, 10:19 PM
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El Dorado

John Wayne's Cole Thornton and James Caan's Mississippi have been in town for a day or so and tried to sober up Thornton's old friend and the sheriff of the town JP played by Robert Mitchum. They've had a few comedic moments as they've sobered him up until they are forced into action and JP just about gets through it. Back at the jail, JP needs to cut his trouser leg as he's been shot...

JP: Has anyone got a knife?"

Mississippi pulls out a big knife.

JP: Just who are you anyway?

Miss: We met last night and again this morning.

JP to Thornton: Who is he?

Thornton: Tell him your name Mississippi.

Miss: Alan Badillian Trahern.

JP: Alan Badillian Tra-who?

Thornton: Tra-hey

Miss: Trahern.

JP to Thornton: Well, no wonder he carries a knife.
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