Fav Movie Quotes

[Susan Foreman]

Victor Shakapopulis: Doctor, I read a statement you made that, uh, you felt that the average length of a man's penis should be nineteen inches. Doesn't that seem a little long?
Dr. Bernardo: Long? My friend, I'm making discoveries you wouldn't dream of.
Victor Shakapopulis: Yes I know, but nineteen inches. I mean that's-...[makes hand gestures]
Dr. Bernardo: Does it sound mad? That's what they called me at Masters and Johnson's clinic, mad. Because I had visions of explorations in sexual areas undreamed of by lesser human beings. It was I who first discovered how to make a man impotent by hiding his hat. I was the first one to explain the connection between excessive masturbation and entering politics. It was I who first said that the clitoral orgasm should not be only for women! They ridiculed me, said I was mad, ha ha! But I showed them. They threw me out of Masters and Johnson, no severance, and I had it coming. But I showed them!

[Inspector Abberline]

Broadway Danny Rose.

“- Tina Vitale: They shot him in the eyes.
- Danny Rose: Oh my God, he's blind?
- Tina Vitale: He's dead...
- Danny Rose: Of course, the bullets would go right through"

[MrBarlow]

Carry On Screaming.

Det Sgt. Bung: A young lady has disappeared and we're anxious to trace her whereabouts.
Dr. Watt: Oh? Whereabouts?
Det Sgt. Bung: Hereabouts.
Albert: At ten o'clock.
Det Sgt. Bung: Or thereabouts.
Constable Slobotham: In this vicinity.
Det Sgt. Bung: Or roundabouts.
Constable Slobotham: We're police officers.
Albert: All layabouts.


Emily Bung: You haven't taken me out for ages
Det Sgt. Bung: Don't exaggerate, we went out a couple of months ago, had a lovely time.
Emily Bung: You call that lovely, my poor mother's funeral.
Det Sgt. Bung: Well I enjoyed it!

[MrBarlow]

Heartbreak Ridge.

Jail Binger: I don't like soldier boys.
Highway: Say what?
Jail Binger: If you wanna pop that puppy's can you don't have to grease him so hard, jarhead.
Highway: Well, it sounds like you're a man of experience.
Jail Binger: What the hell's that supposed to mean, grunge shit.
Highway: It means: Be advised. I'm mean, nasty and tired. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round in a flea's ass at 200 meters. So why don't you go hump somebody else's leg, mutt face, before I push yours in.
Jail Binger: Ain't gonna be so smart with your balls stuffed in your mouth, jarhead!
Highway: [hands cigar to the young man] Hang on to this, boy. I think war's just been declared.

[MrBarlow]

Sudden Impact.

Crook: [during a diner robbery] What's you doing, you pighead sucka?
Harry Callahan: Every day for the past ten years, Loretta there's been giving me a large black coffee. Today she gives me a large black coffee, only it has sugar in it, a lotta sugar. I just came back to complain. Now, you boys put those guns down.
Crook: Say what?
Harry Callahan: Well, we're not just gonna let you walk out of here.
Crook: Who'se we sucka?
Harry Callahan: [slowly drawing his .44 Magnum] Smith and Wesson... and me.

Harry Callahan: Listen, punk. To me you're nothin' but dogshit, you understand? And a lot of things can happen to dogshit. It can be scraped up with a shovel off the ground. It can dry up and blow away in the wind. Or it can be stepped on and squashed. So take my advice and be careful where the dog shits ya!


Captain Briggs: Don't you lecture me, you son of a bitch! Do you know who I am? Do you know my record?
Harry Callahan: Yeah... you're a legend in your own mind.


Harry Callahan: Do you know the emergency phone number for San Francisco General? Well, why don't you call them right now and have them send down an ambulance. Tell them there's two sorry-looking assholes here with multiple contusions and various abrasions and broken bones.

[MrBarlow]

City of the Living Dead.

[examining the dead body of Emily Robbins]

Dr. Joe Thompson: Well, she certainly wasn't strangled. There doesn't seem to be any kind of physical abuse.
Sheriff Russell: Well, what was the cause of her death then?
Dr. Joe Thompson: Some kind of cardiac arrest. Only that expression on her face is like pure fear, like something scared her to death.
Sheriff Russell: Scared her?
Dr. Joe Thompson: [to Emily's father] Excuse me, Mr. Robbins, do you know if your daughter had a heart condition?
Mr. Robbins: No... no...
Sheriff Russell: Well, what's our procedure?
Dr. Joe Thompson: Sit tight. Everything depends on the autopsy.
Sheriff Russell: All right, I'll sit tight. But what am I supposed to do in the meantime?
Dr. Joe Thompson: You'll get your orders after that from the D.A.
[exits]
Sheriff Russell: All right, but let me hear from you first, Joe.




Theresa: Mary, tell us what you saw in your last vision.
Mary Woodhouse: The city of the dead. The living dead. A cursed city where the gates of hell have been opened.
Peter Bell: Where exactly is this city?
Mary Woodhouse: I don't know where it is. All that I know is that it's called Dunwich.
Peter Bell: Well, I've never heard of it. How do you know? How can you be so sure?
Mary Woodhouse: I read the name... on a tombstone.
Theresa: Mr. Bell, if those gates are left open, it could mean the end of humanity. We've got to get them shut again. At midnight on Monday, we go into All Saint's Day. The night of the dead begins. If the portholes of hell aren't shut before, no dead body will ever rest in peace. The dead will rise up all over the world and take over the Earth! You must get to Dunwich, Mr. Bell. You must reclose those gates!


Peter Bell: Hi, officer. I'm looking for Sergeant Clay. Is he in there?
Policeman outside apartment building: And who are you?
Peter Bell: Oh, my name's Peter Bell. I'm with...
Policeman outside apartment building: Don't tell me. You're a newspaper reporter. I can smell you guys a mile away.
Peter Bell: You're right. I'm actually a journalist. Listen, there's a rumor going around your station house that some young woman died mysteriously in an apartment up on the third floor and I was wondering if I can talk to Sergeant Clay about it to investigate more about this mystery.
Policeman outside apartment building: There's no mystery around here. I'm the next guy who dies if I let any unauthorized people into this building.
Peter Bell: [getting a little frustrated] Uh... say listen. Is there any way you and I can come to uh... say a "gentlemen's agreement"? Huh?
Policeman outside apartment building: You're talkin' into my deaf ear, pal. Now take my advice and beat it before the sergeant comes out.
Peter Bell: [walks away] Okay... I'll take your advice.

[MrBarlow]

The Exorcist III.

The Gemini Killer: It's too bad about Father Dyer. I killed him, you know. An interesting problem, but finally... it worked! First, a bit of the ole succinylcholine to permit one to work without, ah, annoying distractions, then... a three foot catheter threaded directly into the inferior vena cava - or, superior vena cava. It's a matter of taste, I think, don't you? Then the tube moves through the vein, under the crease of the arm, into the vein that leads directly into the heart, and then, you just hold up the legs and you SQUEEZE the blood manually into the tube from the arms and the legs. There's a little shaking and pounding at the end for the dregs - it isn't perfect, there's a little blood left I'm afraid. BUT, regardless, the overall effect is astonishing! And isn't that REALLY what counts in the end? Yes, of course, GOOD SHOW BIZ, Lieutenant, the EFFECT! And then, off comes the head without spilling one single drop of blood. Now I call that SHOWMANSHIP, Lieutenant!


Kinderman: This I believe in... I believe in death. I believe in disease. I believe in injustice and inhumanity, torture and anger and hate... I believe in murder. I believe in pain. I believe in cruelty and infidelity. I believe in slime and stink and every crawling, putrid thing... every possible ugliness and corruption, you son of a bitch. I believe... in you.

[MrBarlow]

The Lost Boys.

Sam Emerson: Wait, wait. You *have* a TV?
Grandpa: No. I just like to read the TV Guide. Read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV.

Sam Emerson: Look at your reflection in the mirror. You're a creature of the night Michael, just like out of a comic book! You're a vampire Michael! My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'till mom finds out, buddy!

Edgar Frog: [the Frog Brothers walk in the room, carrying loads of stakes. To Sam] Okay, where's Nosferatu?
Sam Emerson: Who?
Edgar Frog: The prince of darkness.
Alan Frog: The night crawler. The bloodsucker.
Edgar Frog: El Vampiro.
Sam Emerson: Mike! They're here!

Edgar Frog: I think I should warn you all, when a vampire bites it, it's never a pretty sight. No two bloodsuckers go the same way. Some yell and scream, some go quietly, some explode, some implode, but all will try to take you with them.

Alan Frog: [after Laddie vamps out] Holy shit! It's the attack of Eddie Munster.

[MrBarlow]

Count Dracula. 1977.

Count Dracula: Welcome to my house, Mister Harker. Come freely. Go safely.
Jonathan Harker: Count Dracula?
Count Dracula: I am Count Dracula. Will you come in?... And, please, leave here some of the happiness that you bring.


Count Dracula: I expect you are anxious to return to England.
Jonathan Harker: I should like to start back soon, it's true.
Count Dracula: Very well. Write a letter to your friends, saying that you have already left the Castle and arrived at Bistritz, where you are awaiting the weekly express.
Jonathan Harker: [suspiciously] May I ask with what object, sir?
Count Dracula: The posts are few, and uncertain. Writing now will ease the minds of Mister Hawkins and your fiancee.
Jonathan Harker: Count Dracula.
Count Dracula: Yes?
Jonathan Harker: I have been struck by a curious fact.
Count Dracula: Yes?
Jonathan Harker: I've not seen a single servant since I've been here. Yet my meals are served. My bed is made. Tell me, are we alone in the Castle?
Count Dracula: Alone? How could one be alone in this castle? In its most the past, the *living* past is present, surrounding us.
Jonathan Harker: That does *not* answer my question, sir. I've been here for three weeks and have not once stepped outside the Castle.
Count Dracula: I would gladly have shown you the countryside if you had expressed a wish to do so.
Jonathan Harker: When would we have gone? In the dead of night? I've never set eyes on you during the day.
Count Dracula: I have a large estate to manage.
Jonathan Harker: Nor have I seen you eat.
Count Dracula: I eat alone.
Jonathan Harker: [getting visibly upset] And who would have driven the coach?
Count Dracula: [maintains calm] My driver.
Jonathan Harker: You are lying, Count Dracula.
Count Dracula: You are losing your temper, Mister Harker.
Jonathan Harker: [calming down] Who took me back to my room last night?
Count Dracula: Back to your room? What do you mean?
Jonathan Harker: I slept by mistake in the library. I witnessed a... a nightmare, and woke up in my bed! How did I get there?
Count Dracula: Am I to be held responsible for a vivid imagination?

[MrBarlow]

The Ghost Train. 1941.

Gander [telling a story]: Oh talking of cigarettes reminds me of something that once happened to me. you know I was sitting in a railway carriage, opposite a man wearing a bowler hat and he was smoking a cigarette. well the cigarette got shorter and shorter and suddenly I realised it was burning right through his lip...Sizzle Sizzle Sizzle. I found out he'd been dead since Clapham Junction.