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  #761  
Old 5th November 2021, 04:19 AM
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V For Vendetta.

[first lines]

Evey Hammond: [voiceover] Remember, remember, the Fifth of November, the Gunpowder Treason and Plot. I know of no reason why the Gunpowder Treason should ever be forgot... But what of the man? I know his name was Guy Fawkes and I know, in 1605, he attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament. But who was he really? What was he like? We are told to remember the idea, not the man, because a man can fail. He can be caught, he can be killed and forgotten, but 400 years later, an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed first hand the power of ideas, I've seen people kill in the name of them, and die defending them... but you cannot kiss an idea, cannot touch it, or hold it... ideas do not bleed, they do not feel pain, they do not love... And it is not an idea that I miss, it is a man... A man that made me remember the Fifth of November. A man that I will never forget.



V: [Evey pulls out her mace] I can assure you I mean you no harm.

Evey Hammond: Who are you?

V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what and what I am is a man in a mask.

Evey Hammond: Well I can see that.

V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation; I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is.

Evey Hammond: Oh. Right.

V: But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace sobriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona.

V: VoilĂ*! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.

[carves "V" into poster on wall]

V: The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.

V: [giggles]

V: Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

Evey Hammond: Are you, like, a crazy person?

V: I am quite sure they will say so. But to whom, might I ask, am I speaking?

Evey Hammond: I'm Evey.

V: Evey? E-V. Of course you are.

Evey Hammond: What does that mean?

V: It means that I, like God, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidence. Are you hurt?


V: ...A building is a symbol, as is the act of destroying it. Symbols are given power by people. Alone, a symbol is meaningless, but with enough people, blowing up a building can change the world.


V : People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.
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  #762  
Old 26th August 2022, 06:44 PM
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Spies Like Us.

[Milbarge and Fitz-Hume hear a sound]
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Did you hear that?
Austin Millbarge: Yeah. It's a dickfer.
Emmett Fitz-Hume: What's a dickfer?
Austin Millbarge: To pee with.


Russian Interregator #2: Every minute you don't tell us why you are here, I cut off a finger.
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Mine or yours?
Russian Interregator #2: Yours.
Emmett Fitz-Hume: Damn!
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  #763  
Old 28th May 2023, 09:27 PM
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Police Academy.

Cmndt. Eric Lassard: [Presenting a slide show just as a hooker begins to give him a blow job] Now this first SLIIIDE... shows a very, very interesting thing: our main building. On slide... TWO! We see other view... of... IT! Oh, my God, you wouldn't believe it.

(Mahoney approaches Harris with ripped pants)
Mahoney: Sir, I'm terribly sorry but I have seemed to have ripped my pants.
(Harris looks down then back up)
Captain Thaddeus Harris: Don't try me punk, now wise guy, you run don't trot to the supply room and you get a new pair.
Mahoney: Yes Sir, I'd be back later in the day.
(Harris picks up his microphone and screams)
Captain Thaddeus Harris: BE BAAAACK IN FIIIIVE MINUTES)
(Mahoney walks away holding his ear)
Mahoney: Yes Sir...shit in deaf.
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  #764  
Old 28th May 2023, 09:35 PM
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Police Academy 2.

Lt. Mauser: [in the squad room where Mauser is seen wearing a horrible-looking wig] Well, it seems that yours truly was the object of a malicious prank. Now, can anybody in here tell me...
[exposes his hands covered in black glue residue]
Lt. Mauser: How this happened?
Carey Mahoney: I can, sir, and if you don't stop that, you could go blind.
[the other officers start chuckling as Mauser and Proctor react in fury]
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  #765  
Old 28th May 2023, 09:49 PM
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Police Academy 3.

[Capt. Proctor accompanies Cmndt. Mauser as he observes new cadets in a line-up]
Cmndt. Mauser: ...good tall, good strong. And who might you be?
Cadet Nogata: Atochigowa Noagata, of Tochigowa, Nogatas. And is this your lovely wife?
Cmndt. Mauser: Proctor.
Capt. Proctor: Yes sir.
Cmndt. Mauser: What's the story here with Fu Manchu?
Capt. Proctor: Fu Manchu? I don't have a Fu Manchu.
Cmndt. Mauser: I'm talking about the stir-fried shrimp from outta' town.
Capt. Proctor: Oh, he's part of an international exchange programme - here to study our methods.
Cmndt. Mauser: I'm not teaching our cadets how to use a wok.
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  #766  
Old 29th May 2023, 04:37 AM
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Police Academy 4.

[Proctor begins to use Harris's pendulum ball set]
Captain Harris: Don't touch those! Don't you ever touch my balls without asking.
[Both Harris and Proctor look embarrassed at the officers looking at them]

Zed: [Referring to his watch] Mickey! He's Dead! He killed him!
Laura: I'm sure the academy will pay for it.
Zed: No, you don't understand. It's like a sentimental thing. It was the last thing I stole before joining the academy.
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  #767  
Old 29th May 2023, 04:46 AM
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Police Academy 5.

[Captain Harris, with the word Dork burned into his chest, approaches a bar where Cmndt. Lassard, Chief Hurst, Chief Murdock, and the Mayor of Miami are seated]
Capt. Thaddeus Harris: Oh Mr. Mayor, excuse me sir. I don't mean to insult your city, but the people on this beach are very rude and hostile.
Mayor of Miami: Well, I'm sorry to hear that... Captain Dork!
[the gentlemen at the bar break down in laughter, and Harris finally realizes what has been burned on to his chest]
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  #768  
Old 29th July 2023, 08:36 AM
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Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory.

Mrs. Gloop: Don't just stand there, do something!
Willy Wonka: [unenthusiastically] Help. Police, Murder

Mrs. Gloop: He's gone! He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds.
Willy Wonka: Impossible, my dear lady! That's absurd! Unthinkable!
Mrs. Gloop: Why?
Willy Wonka: Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room!
Mrs. Gloop: You terrible man.
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  #769  
Old 21st August 2023, 11:52 AM
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Radio bulletin from 'Blood Diner' (1987)

"We interrupt this program to give you an important news bulletin: A suspect in the Happy Times All-Girls Glee Club slaying has fled the scene and managed to elude the police. He is armed and dangerous, and has been spotted in the West Side area, armed with a meat cleaver in one hand and his genitals in the other"
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  #770  
Old 11th October 2023, 08:54 AM
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OK!

This thread has been running for more than 10 years, and I have to question why this quote from 'The Princess Bride' has not been mentioned

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die"
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