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#31
26th February 2010, 12:31 PM
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3 nutters from the local nuthouse are sent out on work detail as part of their rehabilitation. When they arrive at the construction site the foreman doesn't really know what to do with them, so he gives them each a shovel and tells them to dig a ditch, out of harm's way. A while later the foreman goes to check on them. When he reaches them, one is digging a ditch and the other two are stood either side holding their shovels in the air. He asks 'What are you doing?' to the two men holding their shovels in the air. 'We're street lamps,' they reply. 'That's no good,' says the foreman, and orders them back to the nuthouse. But then the remaining one who was digging, stops digging. The foreman asks 'Why have you stopped?' The nutter replies 'It's too dark now, I can't see what I'm doing!'
__________________ Sent from my Hoover using the power of Uri Gellar |
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#32
26th February 2010, 12:39 PM
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What do you call a gangster fish? The Codfather! Where were the Buccaneers? Under his Buccanhat! Why have elephants got big ears? Because Noddy won't pay the ransom! What's white and if it falls out a tree on top of you will kill you? A fridge! What's white with checkered trousers? Rupert the Fridge! Why did the man's wife talk through her nose? Because she'd worn out her mouth! What's green and got six wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels. A man walking along the road sees a cow in the field. 'Hello cow!' he says cheerily. 'Hello man!' replies the cow. Why do elephants paint their toenails red? So they can hide in cherry trees! Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No! Shows how good the disguise is! What makes the most noise in the jungle? Giraffes eating cherries! Why don't monkeys play chess? Because they're cheetahs! How do you spot the porn star at the petrol station? He's the one who pulls the nozzle out of the tank and sprays petrol all over the bonnet! How do you spot a nutter at the car wash? He's the one on a motorbike!
__________________ Sent from my Hoover using the power of Uri Gellar |
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#33
26th February 2010, 12:42 PM
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What do you call an overweight Egyptian mechanic? Two Ton Car Man. |
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#34
26th February 2010, 01:42 PM
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A man walking along the road sees a cow in the field. 'Hello cow!' he says cheerily. 'Hello man!' replies the cow. EH ??????? |
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#35
26th February 2010, 09:57 PM
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Q: What do a short-sighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common? A: A wet nose. |
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#36
26th February 2010, 10:17 PM
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#37
26th February 2010, 10:19 PM
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There's a chip shop in Saltcoats called that....
__________________  Teddy, I'm a Scotch drinker - you know that. I just have the occasional brandy when I'm not drinking. |
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#38
26th February 2010, 10:37 PM
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There's one in Cubert called Asalt & Battery.  |
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#39
27th February 2010, 12:27 PM
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What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? ROBERTO! What you do you call a Spanish guy who just had his motor nicked? CARLOS! What do you call two Spanish firemen? HOSE and HOSE B! What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians? A DRUMMER! |
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#40
27th February 2010, 10:54 PM
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what you call a women 1 leg shorter than the other ? Eileen what you call a man with a spade on his head ? doug A man walks into a pub with tarmac under his arm and says can i have a beer and 1 for the road Whats defenition of agony a 1 armed man hanging off a cliff with a itchy arse What did 1 sausage say to the other sausage in the frying pan ? Nothing sausages cant talk |
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