The Jigsaw Killer

Turns up on stage ... Ant and Dec in Jigsaw's new ingenious torture devices ... Jigsaw begins singing Susan Boyle songs .... Jigsaw tells the judges that the buzzers are linked to Ant and Dec's torture devices! .... Let the show begin!!

:dance:

Lionel Cosgrove wanders sheepishly onto the stage, he has with him a lawnmower. Piers Morgan asks him what is act is, Lionel Revs up the lawnmower and preceeds to mowdown the booing audience. When his 2 minutes are up, Lionel stands dead center in the middle of a mass of carved up humans, blood sprayed everywhere. Piers morgan's head on a simon Cowells lap. Cowell looks at lionel and says he's seen better.
Lionel looks down, ashamed of what he's done only for Norman Bates to run in and stab Amanda Holden in the Face....

Pinhead - comes on with his centobites for a s&m show to show what kinda pain they can take and enjoy :P

Sardu comes on and does his standard torture show thing.

Simon Cowell says it's shit and Sardu kidnaps him and basically the Blood Sucking Freaks movie happens with him instead of Creasy Silo.

Freddy Krueger does his kitten juggling routine which as you can imagine gets messy really quick.

Hi, My name is Frederick Krueger and I'm from Springfield and tonight I will be doing Shadow Puppets!

Hello my name is Nicolas Cage and I have an original magic trick. I can turn gold into poo.

Cowell: What is your name and where do you come from?

Sam: Sam Hell and I'm from a little place called Frogtown

Cowell: Do you think you have what it takes to win Britains Got Talent?

Sam: You certainly won't have seen anything quite like it! Prince Charles and the Queen will love it!

Cowell: Alright, when you are ready!

Sam waves offstage to the soundman to queue his music.

Paul McCartney's frog chorus starts to play as one of the frogmen from the movie Hell Come's to Frogtown walks nervously into centre stage bends over in front of Sam with his face to the audience and drops trousers.

The audience gasps and looks shocked not sure what to expect.

Sam reaches into the inside of his jacket removing a long piece of what looks like garden hose, putting KY jelly on one end and says to the judges and audience:

Sam: Alright kiddies, don't try this at home.

Sam rams the hose pipe up the frogmans ass and starts to blow as hard as he can.

The cheeks of the frogman start to inflate like 2 huge green baloons. The frogman is sweating prefusely. His cheeks look like 2 giant green spacehoppers and pump up to the point when BOOM his head explodes and green puss and guts fly all over the judges.

The judges: .............

None of the judges can speak - for one they are totally lost for words.

Sam starts to whistle as he walks smuggly backwards off the stage.

A ventriloquist act with the victim from the seamstress with a sewn up mouth, and Chucky as his foul mouthed talking doll...

Steven King's Pennywise with the darkest clown act you have ever seen..

(also available for children's parties)