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Old 26th April 2012, 07:51 PM
thezombiedead's Avatar
Cultist in Training
Join Date: Apr 2012

if he the 6 million dollar man was made today they would do a public poll on what features he would have if the poll was done in the uk i think the result would be along the lines of this

he would have an asbo gun that shots out asbos that would be more like a chip you would put on a dog , hopefully he wont hit those delinquent teens in the balls

he would scan around playgrounds and out side schools shooting anyone over the age of 17 in fear that could be a sex offender

he would shoot breeds of dogs that have been given bad press in the tabloids that week because if a dog bites a kid it means that all dogs of that breed are evil

he would squirt water out of his nose to extinguish cigarets of people that smoke in public places

he would do a bullet time effect like the matrix but only when people drop litter

he would tell kids that the army is the best thing you can do with your life

he would also be there on your signing day at the job center and tell you how you should have a job if you don't meet your quoter for job search he will kill you

he would also have medical skills of that of a NHS GP so whenever people tell him they are sick he would simply tell them they are not and give them the easiest diagnosis with the cheapest drugs possible that do nothing but make the patient feel contempt they are a sick

he would also have powerful linguistic skills and procrastinate every word you say and turn it around with advanced syllogism word games

and when he speaks publicly about all the injustices in the world he will blame it on video games and hardcore movies and would be pro censorship he would get the PTA groups behind him and all of arrows film releases will be banned and only sold on dodgy street corners and classed as snuff movies but he would promote mainstream movies with no soul like him , movies like transformers and what not

and if they only had a limited budget for him i think he would be a malfunctioning pooper scooper that fines dogs for doing there business that's right dogs not the owners the actual dog

that's my take on it

so can i have my six million dollar man dvds now i wanna see him sing when the bionic woman dies so i can cry my self to sleep

:shoc ked:: shocked::shock ed::s hocked:
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Old 26th April 2012, 08:57 PM
bigandya's Avatar
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Unfortunately, although the technology DID exist to make Steve Austin into a bionic man, the world recession just about shut OSI down... so when he had his life threatening accident, and needed his legs, arm and eye replacing, there was only one choice.

Repair him with papier mache made from old newspapers.

In the 70s Steve Austin made the headlines... now he's made out of the headlines!

Despite several attempts to make it as a secret agent, Steve was quickly retired. His enemies were able to read him too well.

These days he makes a few dollars working for a different agency. Up every day at 6am to deliver a very special product across the State, Steve Austin is now The Six Million Dollar Paper Boy.
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Old 26th April 2012, 10:42 PM
gag's Avatar
gag gag is online now
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Its set in the future where he the new Jeremy kyle and he doesnt need bouncers etc all he needs is himself.

He hates scumbags chavs etc and everyone who comes on for a lie detector test has been pre warned that if they fail the lie detector test its a vote of death where the audience vote should they die or be given a second chance...if death he just laser beams then to a pile of ashes.

But he does the lie test all they do is put ther hand on his ipad on his chest and he asks the Q? if fail siren goes and red light comes on, if clear green light comes on

Also hates single mothers and if they come on and they are pregnant and the bloke wants nothing to do with them or they dont know who the father is due to a one night stand then he injects the women with needles that are attached to his hands with a virus that automatical terminate the child, and also burns the womb to stops the mother from ever getting pregnant again. thatl put a stop to the young single i want a council house society

Serial cheats he castrates them live on tv not only stops then from cheating again but also from ever having a sex life..

Anyone who swears at him he washes there mouth out with soaps..

And anyone who makes a threat he just rips the arm clean of so they cant do any harm to anyone ....
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Old 27th April 2012, 10:55 AM
trouserpress's Avatar
Seasoned Cultist
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Eastbourne

I made a brilliant video with my son, imagining what the Six Million Dollar Man would be like now if made mostly of cardboard. Unfortunately I ran out of time and haven't uploaded it to youtube yet, and probably won't be able to until after this contest finishes! You'll just have to imagine how good it was...
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Old 27th April 2012, 12:19 PM
trouserpress's Avatar
Seasoned Cultist
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Eastbourne

Depending on what time this contest finishes, I may have time to upload a photo later...

If we did still have the technology, Steve Rogers would be repaired with nanobots, equipped with the latest in Articifial Intelligence. These things would be injected into his blood stream, where they would whizz around, self-replicating and essentially repairing then upgrading his body from the inside out. He would become the ultimate human, able to run, swim and jump better than anyone else. But the nanobots would take it further, giving him spikes and skin that secretes poison, protecting him from predators. They would boost his senses and his brain power to the point that he would be more intelligent than god. What's he going to do with that? Why, get himself a truck and drive across the States solving small town crime of course. And hanging out with bigfoot.
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Old 27th April 2012, 05:16 PM
iluvdvds@Cult Labs's Avatar
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Sooo many fantastic entries with this competition! I was originally going to select a winner this morning, but couldn't bring myself to picking just one winner. So, I've gone through all the entries again and whittled it down to what I think is the best.

And that person is...

thezombiedead for his hillarious and socially relevant entry! Well done zombiedead

A huge thank you to everyone who took part. Like I said, this has proven to be much harder to judge that I thought it would be.

Zombiedead, could you PM me an address you'd like this prize sent to please?


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Old 27th April 2012, 05:31 PM
trouserpress's Avatar
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Eastbourne

Wow. Congrats! Well deserved. Not jealous in the slightest...
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Old 27th April 2012, 06:39 PM
bigandya's Avatar
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Fantastic prize, massive congrats to zombiedead...

(Monty Python voice coming on...) You lucky, lucky, bastard...
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Old 27th April 2012, 06:42 PM
sawyer6's Avatar
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Ely,Cambridgeshire
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My collection
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Old 27th April 2012, 08:52 PM
Jinx_Barkman's Avatar
Cultist on the Rampage
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: US

Congratulations! You scored a wonderful prize.
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