Weekly Comp - Don't Torture A Duckling - 6 May 2012 - FINISHED

[Hawkmonger]

Peter Cushing rise's from the grave (i.e. tales from the crypt) as a resorected Van Helsing, and promptly drive's a stake through Lugosi's heart before sitting down to tea like a proper English gentleman.
Hammer 1
Universal 0

[slaghammer]

Sadly, Van Helsing was drinking tea in East Anglia, and Matthew Hopkins spotted him and branded him a witch. After several hours of torture, Helsing succumbs to the pain and expires!

Hammer 1
Universal 0
Tigon 1

[Hawkmonger]

At which point Hopkins discoveres the East Anglien set was just that. A set.
From left field leaps Paul Naschy, teeth beared and claw's shredding Hopkins into slithers of red spaghettie. Naschy promtly relaises what a shit werewolf he is and decides to have lunch.
Hammer 1
Universal 0
Tigon 1
Eurocine 1

[slaghammer]

But before being able to take one bite of his BLT, he finds himself commited to an asylum, where he is gruesomely murdered by a pick-axe to the genitals by Dr Lionel Rutherford!

Hammer 1
Universal 0
Tigon 1
Eurocine 1
Amicus 1

[Hawkmonger]

Dirty Harry waltz into the asylum and points a gun at the head of Rutherford.
Promptly ordering that the point's system be de-activated, he ask's if Rutherford feels lucky. Well does he punk?

[slaghammer]

As the good doctor's brain splatter behind him, Clint finds himself face to face with his old nemesis - Sondra Locke, sorry I mean Laura Lee, who subsequently sues him to death.

[Hawkmonger]

Stepping over Harry's emaciated corpse (getting sued can do that to you), Laura Lee doesn't hear the tap-tapping of judgement. The tapping of Death.
Judge Death promptly rip's out Laura lee's heart.
"The crime issssss ssssuing. The Punnissssshhhhhment issssssss Deathhhhhhh!"

[slaghammer]

As Judge Death is wiping his hands clean, he suddenly becomes aware of getting shorter. It appears he is being eaten by "Bub" (Day of the Dead), who, upon having eaten the scrawny fellow, suffers a severe case of indigestion which he cures by belching loudly and saluting.

[Hawkmonger]

After beltching out the soul of Judge Death (You can not kill that which does not live) Bub contemplates the meaning of life (or not-life as his case maybe).
He is suddenly made aware of a fiddling in his grain and peaks down to see Alex (David Hess) being his usual cuntish self.
Hess, promptly realising that Bub is;
a) A Guy
b) A Freaking Zombie
-Slit's the sod's throat and leaves him to bleed to death before drinking a glass of milk.

[slaghammer]

hahahahaha amazing! I almost don't have the heart to kill off Hess, but duty calls!

A flutter of wimples and wooden crosses and THANA from MS. 45 castrates Hess in a feminist fury, before burning his balls before his eyes as his life expires!