What You Knead

Meet Peter Pickler, a timid little man who fears everyone. He spends his worthless days working at the Dough Ray Me Bakery where he pines for Sally Salter, his boss, and is constantly bullied by his colleagues. He spends every thinking minute coming up with ways to humiliate the bullies without them ever finding out but always comes back at a loss.

One day Gary Jones, the ringleader of the bullies approaches Peter in the stockroom out back.
“Hey Pete, Sally gave me something to give to you” Gary says with a smirk on his face
“Oh..er..” says Peter. “What..um..is it”?
“A flower. She got you a flower. But you have to close your eyes first”
Peter closes his eyes and waits for the wonderful surprise. Finally, she recognises him! He feels a sharp thud of cold powder smack him in the face. He opens his eyes to a cloud of white.
“AHAHAHA! Well, it’s flour anyway. HAHA. D’ya really think Sally Salter would be interested in the likes of you?” laughs Gary as he leaves

Peter wipes he flour from his face and goes back to making some more dough for the bread in the bakery’s front room, still humiliated. “I’ll show ‘em, one of these days” he says, moulding out a rough sculpture of a human body on the bench. “I’ll show them good!” He brings his rolling pin down onto the legs of the little figure he just made “Take that Gary” he screams as he bashes the dough in until it’s a crumpled mess, laughing all the way.
The next day Gary doesn’t turn up for work. Peter enquires about his absence to be told by Sally that he woke up in the morning and both of his legs were broken - Gary has no idea how this could have happened and even the doctors are stumped. “Must be a coincidence” thinks Peter but that doesn’t stop him fashioning another dough model out of Gary’s friend, Denny and beating the arms to a pulp with his trusted rolling pin, ‘just in case’

The next day Denny doesn’t turn up as he woke up in bed that morning with broken arms, again with no idea of how this happened. Peter is beside himself with happiness. “Now I can get revenge on every little stinking bully who made me feel stupid and afraid. I can break their limbs! I can break their heads! I can KILL THEM! But first, I shall obtain my true love.” He fashions another 2 human figures, one that looks like him and another that looks like Sally. He stands them next to each other on the bench and turns their heads to face each other as if they’re kissing. He then hears Sally’s voice from the stock room behind him.

“Look, Peter, this is a bit embarrassing so I’m just gonna ask from in here where you can’t see me. Look...I’ve always really liked you and was wondering if you fancied going out tonight. Y’know, on a date?”
Peter’s heart starts racing rapidly. He excitedly turns around on his heels, knocking the figure of himself off the bench and onto the floor
“Noooooooooooo” he screams as it tumbles to the ground, seemingly in slow motion.
“Peter, what is it?” Sally cries from next door as she hears a deafening SPLAT. Sally walks into the front room of the bakery and her jaw drops as she sees, lying on the floor next to a splattered mess of bread dough, the unrecognisable remains of Peter Pickler.


Peter Pickler, a timid man, a bullied man who wouldn’t ordinarily say ‘boo’ to a goose just in case the goose said 'boo' back. A man who when realised what voodoo-like powers he possessed went into a dark place of vengeance. A place of unjust retribution where he would never be found out. A place where love could not be forced or even bent to by his powerful will. A place in an ordinary humble everyday bakery... in The Twilight Zone


Bit long this one! Sorry!

To Serve Man!

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7027/6...d7581628_z.jpg

When a mysterious, lumpen-headed alien comes to earth in white shorts and sweatbands, everyone gets excited. Finally, here's someone new to challenge those top-seeded players at Wimbledon. Pundits argue as to whether he can be claimed as British, despite his vaguely Scottish accent. The popular vote is yes, unless he loses, in which case the Scots can have him.

Our tall, lumpy champion battles his way through the early rounds, until he finally makes it into the final, against Djockavic himself. It's a tense, nail-biting seven hour match. Both show no sign of flagging. How can this stalemate be broken?

The alien reaches into his sports bag following the cry of "new balls please". And the true meaning of his claims "to serve man at tennis" are revealed. He hurls a human head high into the sky and smashes it across the net. It's the head of a player he beat in the previous round. The audience screams. Djocovic misses. The pundits begin egging on this plucky Brit. Head after bloody head are volleyed back and forth at great speed.

It's game, set and match, in the Twilight Zone...

I was going to do one where a 1970s German prog rock band fall on hard times and resort to cage fighting to make ends meet, called Kick the Can, but thought better of it...

And....we're...finished! Time's up guys.

I've just gone through all your entries - every single one - and luved them all! Fantastic ideas and brilliantly written, so a big well done to all those who entered.

It was a real tough one to judge and I whittled it down to 5 best entries, but there can only be three winners! So, here are the three that I found most entertaining.....


:first: Bigandya! You sent in TWO incredible entries (I counted them as one though :p ) which were both excellent. Don't ask me to pick a favourite out of these two - I couldn't do it! :laugh: Nice job, Andy!

:second: PaulD's What You Knead - a very Twilight-Zoney story with a fantastic twist at the end. :nod: You also get brownie points for including a (possibly unintentional?) pun; "Peter enquires about his absence to be told by Sally that he woke up in the morning and both of his legs were broken - Gary has no idea how this could have happened and even the doctors are stumped. :laugh:

And :third: but by no means least is Darthelvis' hillarious Living Doll entry! You had me laughing throughout this one. But, c'mon give ol' Cliff a break - Devil Woman is a great song!


Well, thats it for this competition. Well done to everyone who entered - they were all superb.

A huge congratulations to the three lucky, and well deserving, winners too :clap:

Kyle



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Twilight Zone - Volume 5 will be available on both DVD and Blu-Ray on the 6th Feb 2012 and can be pre-ordered here...

DVD -

- Amazon

- HMV

- Play

Blu-Ray -

- Amazon

- HMV

- Play

Congrats to the winners and all the entires, very enjoyable reads!

Oh, and winners, don't forget to let me know if you'd prefer the DVD or the Blu-Ray boxset :)

Blu ray please for me.

One blu-ray coming up...

Over the moon with this! Some excellent entries so congrats to the others. Blu me up Kyle! :)

Congratulations guys!