Well, my journey into oblivion actually DID occur on a train. It wasn't a nightmare journey involving the terrors of British Rail sandwiches (one snarled at me once) or Virgin coffee (I swear I once found traces of a coffee bean in one but it may have been a furball) - but it was my
genuine experience involving the wonders of Egypt.
Ah yes. Egypt. Land of sphinxes and pyramids. The Valley of the Kings. Camels that emit vile odours from both ends (sometimes simultaneously) - and the owners of perhaps the most eccentric train system. In the world. Ever.
I booked a sleeper from Cairo to Luxor back in March 1989 during my month stay. It sounded so exotic. Travelling under the night sky through barren landscapes before arriving in the former Thebes. Well....... it wasn't quite like that.....
Booking The Ticket
An easy job. Supposedly. It took nearly half an hour and most of that was taken up with my telling the ticket seller the difference between north (Alexandria) and my preferred destination south (Luxor). 2 mint teas (and £4) later it was booked and due to leave at 8 PM that evening (journey estimate: 9 hours).
Finding The Compartment
Actually this was easier and only took around 15 mins. Mainly due to my ability to read Arabic numbers. I'd used the toilet before getting onboard. Just in case I had to use it again. The train left on time sort of (at 9.48 PM) and I looked forward to a quick read and a sleep.
A Quick Read & A Sleep
Oh dear I'm afraid not. Light didn't work. Bunk resembled something not of this earth. Noises from corridor were extra terrestrial (and remained so - all frigging night). Kept having torch shone into my face by a berk of an attendant who was helpfully making sure I slept well. Air conditioning worked at intervals (20 mins at a time and then breakdown). Train sped along at an earth-shattering 18 MPH.
The Toilet
Yes I had to use it. I remain traumatised to this day and refuse to discuss it. Even under hypnosis.
On Arrival
The 9 hour journey took nearly 14. I arrived at midday and was informed by my mate and his fiancee at the station that Luxor was experiencing a mild heatwave and the temperature was a healthy (for mummies) 129 degrees. I then went to the Emilio Hotel - and wailed piteously.
Give me a ride on the Night Train
ANY time.........
