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Originally Posted by Demdike  I gave a rewatch to Valhalla Rising last night.
What a pretentious arty bit of celluloid nonsense it is.
It can easily be summed up as a bunch of hairy blokes sat about staring meaningfully at the horizon for ninety minutes. Things pick up as they set off in a boat, however normality is soon resumed and we then have twenty five minutes of hairy blokes sat in a boat gazing meaningfully out to sea. When the boat arrives in the New World our hardy souls obviously decide the best thing to do is stare meaningfully at the mountains which look pretty simillar to the ones they just left, except in this place you can clearly notice a tarmaced road, they fail to spot this as they are gazing in the other direction.
Mads Mikkelson who you may remember as one of the worst Bond villains ever in Casino Royale plays the hero of the piece, cunningly named One Eye as he has, yes, one eye, this obviously makes him cooler than the other hairy blokes as he only stares at the horizon with one eye.
Fortunately for the viewer the film is broken up into segments.
Act one - mildly interested due to sporadic acts of violence
Act two - mind starts to wander
Act three - off to make a brew
Act four - begin channel surfing / reading teletext
Act five - zzzzzzzzzz
Unfortunately for the viewer director Nicholas Winding Refn throws in occasional shouty acts of violence which prevents you falling into a deep slumber, whilst the bulk of the film is largely dialogue free. | I think you are being generous with your review. It is a cinematic turd of the highest magnitude., and I would rather have my eyes gouged out than have to watch it again.
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"A good fight should be like a small play...but played seriously. When the opponent expands, l contract. When he contracts, l expand. And when there is an opportunity... l do not hit...it hits all by itself."
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