DEATH SPA – I hate gyms. They make me think of the covert emergence of some secret fascist state. Unsurprisingly, I'm pretty hung up on the gym-based horror sub-sub-sub genre, which often combines eighties garishness with dumb body worship. 'Aerobicide' is a contender, but 'Death Spa' steals the crown. It's bound to please anyone who likes over-ripe and essentially brainless pulp which somehow tips over into unintentional surrealism. In it, some dude owns a computer operated gym (!) which becomes a murder hotspot once the spirit of said dude's dead wife possesses said computer operating system. It's got that mid-late eighties thing – everything seems very 'neon', with bad air-brushed metal playing constantly in background (or at least, this feels like it should be the case). It's also quite gory, and, although it's no hardcore splatterfest, I was slightly surprised, having only ever seen a cut version previously. Loved the nonsensical gender-warping climax, and also the bit with the killer pilchards. The newish blu-ray / DVD looks pretty lush. Recommended for lovers of lost eighties shit.
BENEATH STILL WATERS – Brian Yuzna has gone up in my estimation recently – always had him pegged as a bit bland, but then I saw his mind-melting nonsensefest 'Faust'. 'Beneath Still Waters', another one of his noughties Spanish productions, doesn't really out-Faust Faust, but didn't disappoint me in my search for B-movie absurdism. It's basically about a... well, I kind of zoned out during the 'explanations bit', but it's basically about an undersea town where a satanic cult hangs out waiting to 'rise again' etc etc. This is all a mere contrivance to ensure the smooth flow of various bits of horror, most of which seem reassuringly meaningless – zombies are thrown in for no reason, there are parasitic flowers and an underwater ghoul, and a small town anniversary celebration becomes an unconvincing orgy with a rampant nun and a load of cream buns (not sure whether I just made that last bit up or not, but I remember a lot of food flying about). I like how the main villain guy sometimes sounds a bit 'Yorkshire'. Entertaining drivel.
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