Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
Timelash – Part 1
(The Doctor has a traditional sky map laid out on the console, showing northern and southern hemispheres. He consults it then sets coordinates. Peri enters in a demure trouser suit. The Doctor repeats the procedure.) Peri: Lost?
The Doctor: I am never, ever lost.
Peri: Ha! Wish I could have that on tape.
The Doctor: I was contemplating taking you to the constellation of Andromeda.
Peri: Why?
The Doctor: I haven't been there recently, that's why.
Peri: Well, what about me? Don't I ever get a say in our destination?
The Doctor: Oh. Where would the First Lady suggest?
Peri: Well, I don't mind.
The Doctor: Ha.
Peri: What I mean, Doctor, is I don't mind where we go so long as when we get there, we spend some time and relax.
The Doctor: You want a holiday! Why didn't you say so before? I know the very place.
Peri: Doctor, if you're about to suggest the Eye of Orion, don't. I've heard all about that elusive place once too often. No one lives there and few visit, apart from you.
The Doctor: Oh, but such a beautiful moonset. Ideal tonic for the weary time traveller. But, if that doesn't appeal, as I've said, there is always Andromeda.
Peri: Oh, really. And what's out there?
The Doctor: Some of the most magical sights in the entire universe. Astral starbursts creating a myriad celestial bodies against a timeless royal blue backdrop.
Peri: Very poetic, but that's the exact description you always give of the Eye of Orion.
The Doctor: It is?
Peri: Word for word.
The Doctor: Does nothing please you?
(He turns his star map upside down.) Peri: Yes. Purposeful travel, not aimless wanderings.
The Doctor: Aimless? You see our time together as aimless?
Peri: No, not exactly. I guess not.
The Doctor: I should hope not. Or perhaps you're trying to tell me you've had enough. In that case I can easily set the coordinates for Earth, 1985.
Peri: No, no, that won't be necessary.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
(The sound of the Tardis materialising nearby.) Herbert: What on Earth's that?
Vena: They must not get the amulet.
Herbert: Who mustn't? You mean there's someone else about to materialise? I didn't summon them.
Vena: You must help me.
Herbert: I'll do all I can.
(Vena hides the purse in a small drawer while Herbert grabs a crucifix and a bible before consulting the book he was reading.) Right, ridding unwanted spirits. Right, here it is. Right, now stay there.
(Herbert opens the door. The Tardis is just outside.) It's a blue monolith!
The Doctor: Hello! Have you seen a rather surprised young lady?
(Herbert holds up the crucifix and backs into the cottage.) Herbert: Avaunt thee foul fanged fiend.
The Doctor: I can assure you I'm not that long in the tooth, and neat blood brings me out in a rash.
Herbert: Back from where you came, spirit of the glass.
The Doctor: Not just yet, if you don't mind.
(The Doctor shuts the door, and sees Vena hiding behind it.) Ah! Now you must be Vena.
Vena: Yes, my name is Vena.
The Doctor: I'm afraid we left you rather up in the air on our last fleeting encounter.
Vena: It was you in the Timelash?
Herbert: No, Vena, don't talk to him.
Vena: Why not?
The Doctor: Yes, why not? I'm the Doctor. Delighted to meet you.
Vena: The Doctor?
The Doctor: I think you have something
(The Doctor avoids Herbert hitting him over the head with his spiritualist book.) Which your Maylin would like returned.
Timelash – Part 2
Kendron: The Borad will not be pleased with us.
Tekker: Stop whining.
Kendron: I have noticed it is better to die than to fail the Borad.
Tekker: If you were to die, I don't think anybody would notice the difference.
Kendron: I say, Tekker!
Tekker: Maylin Tekker.
(The image of the nice old man come up on a wall screen.) Ah, Borad.
Borad [on screen]: You do not serve me by arguing.
Tekker: A frivolous debate concerning protocol.
Borad [on screen]: You have time for such things when my Timelash is in the hands of the Doctor and his friends?
Tekker: We serve as best we can, Borad. As you know, I am not a man of action. The recapture of the Timelash is best left to those trained for such things.
Borad [on screen]: You disappoint me. I expected more from you than this.
Tekker: Your trust is not misplaced. Kendron and I are on our way to see you.
Borad [on screen]: For what purpose?
Tekker: With respect, Borad, a matter best not discussed over an open channel.
Borad [on screen]: Very well. Disappoint me and you die.
Tekker: Of course.
(The image disappears.) Kendron: Now what have you said? The Borad will kill both of us.
Tekker: Oh, I think not. After what I have to tell him, I think he'll be delighted. And while he's smiling, I shall recommend that he appoints you my deputy.
Kendron: Me?
Tekker: Yes, Kendron, you.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Doctor: Are you still here?
Peri: Yes! Look, I'll keep out of your way.
The Doctor: You don't know how.
Peri: I'm coming with you.
The Doctor: Peri, every second we waste now brings Karfel into even greater danger.
Peri: Well then, let's go!
The Doctor:: That's what I want to do, but alone. Now go back to Vena and the others, Peri. Please?
Peri: I can't. I don't trust you. You're being too reasonable.
The Doctor: Then I shall be unreasonable. Get out! Why will you never cooperate?
(The Doctor lifts Peri off her feet and carries her to the door.) Peri: Because I worry. It's my caring nature.
The Doctor: Peri, I shall be gone for but a minute. Now, if you want to fuss over someone, may I suggest that Herbert would make a much more eager recipient.
Peri: What if something happens to you? We'd be stuck here.
The Doctor: If I don't go now, there won't be anywhere for you to be stuck to. The planet will be destroyed. Now, will you go, please?
Peri: Well, take care of yourself.
(Peri leaves. The Doctor closes the door then sets the Tardis in motion.) The Doctor: At last.
(Herbert stands up.) Herbert: Hello.
The Doctor: Hello. What are you doing here?
Herbert: I've come to help. At least I can experience the adventure.
The Doctor: I presume you heard what I said to Peri.
Herbert: Oh, but she's a girl. This is work for men.
The Doctor: Men? Men!
Herbert: Men.
The Doctor: Look, what I'm about to do is very dangerous. There's nothing particularly masculine about throwing your life away.
Herbert: That's not what you said to Peri.
The Doctor: I lied. And as I did it so badly, I'd have assumed even you would have realised.
Herbert: I'm sorry. I simply didn't realise. I thought that
The Doctor: You didn't think at all. That's half your problem. A characteristic you share with most of the people on your irritating planet.
Herbert: Well, you could always take me back to Karfel if you really think it's going to be dangerous.
(The Doctor checks his pocket watch.) The Doctor: There isn't time.
Herbert: May I dispute that? Well, after all, what is time to a time machine?
The Doctor: A very great deal. Should there be another day, I will explain to you in great detail which of the many time laws I am not allowed to transgress.
Herbert: But who would know?
The Doctor: I would. So would every other Time Lord from here to Gallifrey, and I can assure you, they're not all as pleasant and agreeable as I am.
Herbert: Sorry. I'd hate to think of you having my demise on your conscience.
The Doctor: To be perfectly frank, Herbert, when I go, thoughts of you will be very low on my list of regrets.
Herbert: That's good. It means we can stand together, shoulder to shoulder, in the face of the enemy. I've always wanted to die a hero's death. You know, it's funny. When I was at school, everyone used to think I was a coward because I didn't like cricket. If only they could see me now.
The Doctor: Shut up!
Herbert: Sorry? Oh yes, of course, you want to concentrate. Sorry.
The Doctor: Listen, Herbert, if you want to do something useful while waiting to enter Valhalla, could you read off the numbers on that screen you see immediately in front of you?
Herbert: Of course. This one?
The Doctor: How many screens do you see immediately in front of you?
Herbert: Just the one.
The Doctor: That's the one.