Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
Trial Of A Time Lord Part 5: Mindwarp – Part 1
The Valeyard: Members of the court, we have just witnessed a typical glorious escapade of the Doctor.
The Doctor: Madam! I ask that the court protect me from the abuse of the Brickyard here.
The Valeyard: How pathetic and juvenile are your attempts at humour.
The Inquisitor: Gentlemen, may I remind you this is a court of law, not a debating society for maladjusted, psychotic sociopaths. You will both conduct yourselves in an orderly manner and show proper respect for the judicial procedure. I hope I make myself very clear.
(The Doctor and the Valeyard bow.) And Doctor, the prosecuting counsel's title is the Valeyard. Not the brickyard, backyard, knacker's yard or any other kind of yard. Again, do I make myself clear?
The Doctor: Piercingly and irrefutably so, madam.
The Inquisitor: Proceed.
The Valeyard: As I was saying, we have just witnessed a sequence in the Doctor's history which illustrated perfectly his almost gleeful pleasure in interfering in the development of alien life forms.
The Doctor: I object!
The Inquisitor: Sit down and shut up!
The Valeyard: Thank you, Sagacity.
The Doctor: Sagacity? You sycophant. Since when has that been a form of address used in a Gallifreyan court of law?
The Valeyard: I am simply showing respect to our learned Inquisitor.
The Inquisitor: An attitude I much approve.
The Doctor: Well, you would, wouldn't you? Sagacity, indeed.
Trial Of A Time Lord Part 6: Mindwarp – Part 2
Sil: Doctor, the pleasure of your company is, of course, infinite, but why have you chosen to warn us rather than help your friends?
The Doctor: The odds were against us. Why should I risk my life for a savage and a stupid girl?
Sil: So you betrayed your friends. How wonderfully wise, Doctor.
The Doctor: I think so.
Sil: You are planning some trickery, of course. This is a ploy, yes?
The Doctor: Why should I follow a mad warlord of Thordon? What's in it for me, huh?
Sil: You value your life?
The Doctor: I'm no hero.
Sil: I could have sworn you belonged to that stupid breed.
The Doctor: Not any more. Now, I'm just like you, Sil.
Sil: How nice for you, Doctor. Inform Crozier and the Lord Kiv that I have captured the Doctor.
(Sil's slave leaves.) The turncoat Doctor, it seems.
Trial Of A Time Lord Part 7: Mindwarp – Part 3
The Valeyard: Just like that, my dear Doctor. A toady, a coward, a turncoat. You were afraid that Crozier wanted to transplant the brain of the alien Kiv into your head. You said as much yourself. The thought of that made you panic.
The Doctor: I've told you, it was a ploy. I would never want to harm Peri.
The Valeyard: But you've also admitted that you have no clear memory of the event.
The Doctor: Well, I can recall some of it. Bits of it are beginning to bob back into my mind.
The Valeyard: Oh, really? And does any of your sudden and convenient recall agree with anything that the court has already seen?
The Doctor: No! I mean yes, but, but the emphasis is all wrong.
The Valeyard: And what does that mean?
The Doctor: The events took place but not quite as we've seen them.
The Inquisitor: It occurs to me, Doctor, that your current mental condition makes it very difficult for you to defend yourself. I would therefore suggest that this court be adjourned.
The Doctor: No. And I refute any implication that I'm barmy.
The Inquisitor: Barmy?
The Valeyard: A rather imprecise Earth slang word, Sagacity, implying psychiatric instability.
The Inquisitor: Thank you, Valeyard. No one is impugning your sanity, Doctor, merely suggesting your memory is a little faulty.
The Doctor: Nevertheless, I would like this trial to continue.
The Inquisitor: I was also about to suggest that you might change your mind and consider availing yourself of a court defender. A trained legal mind would offer a more constructive and certainly less emotional presentation of your case.
The Doctor: If the Time Lords of Gallifrey want my life, you don't think I'd entrust my defence to one of their august number, do you?
Trial Of A Time Lord Part 8: Mindwarp – Part 4
(Peri-Kiv wakes.) Peri: Warm. Not cold. My body is warm. Wonderful. Legs. Toes. Toes wiggling. Trunk. A neck. Strong. A head free of pain. Eyesight. Colours. Warm blood inside. Oh, I like this. Now, I am she, alive within this oh so wonderful, wonderful frame, not that cold-blooded reptile thing. It must, must die.
Crozier: It already has. Welcome to your new body.
Sil: I wish you could have found a more attractive one.
(Outside, Yrcanos and Tuza deal with the two guards in their slow-ish motion fight. Yrcanos takes a phaser and bursts in.) Yrcanos: Ragna!
(Yrcanos fires at Sil's cot. Peri-Kiv sits up.) Peri: Protect me. I am your lord and master.
(Yrcanos stares at the bald Peri and aims the phaser at her.) Yrcanos: No! No! No!
(He fires at everyone he can see as the picture blurs.)