Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
Time And The Rani – Part 1
(The Rani walks into the main part of her lair. The Doctor is lying across a square table, with a multicoloured but normal size umbrella by his outstretched left arm. She checks his pupil response and his heartbeats, then goes to a steep flight of stairs, presses a button to open the door at the top and starts to climb.) The Doctor: No, no, Mel.
(The Rani comes back, closes the door and returns to the Doctor. Suddenly he sits up.) That was a nice nap. Now, down to business.
(The Doctor gets off the table.) I'm a bit worried about the temporal flicker in sector thirteen. There's a bicentennial refit of the Tardis to book in. I must just pop over to Centauri Seven and then perhaps a quick holiday. Right, that all seems quite clear. Just three small points. Where am I? Who am I? And who are you? The Rani! Stay back!
(He grabs his umbrella then steps back and falls down a short set of stairs. Sylvester is a very good clown-tumbler.) The Rani: This is idiotic. You'll injure yourself.
The Doctor: Why should you care? Since you were exiled from Gallifrey, you've had nothing but contempt for all other Time Lords.
The Rani: My contempt started long before my exile.
The Doctor: And what do you want with me? And where's Mel?
The Rani: She's perfectly safe, but how long she remains so depends on you.
The Doctor: You're up to something. Perhaps I'll find the answer on this.
(The Doctor activates the screen in the middle of the table.) The Rani: You won't recognise the planet. It's Lakertya, and there's no evidence that it's ever been graced by your meddling presence.
(The screen shows the planet from orbit then an asteroid. Alien characters come up.) The Doctor: You're trying to deflect me, so the answer is on here. Quarks. One up, one down. One strange matter? That asteroid is composed of strange matter. What monstrous experiment are you dabbling in now?
The Rani: I didn't go to the trouble of bringing you here just to discuss the ethics of my work.
The Doctor: Ethics? Don't be such a hypocrite. Your past is littered with the mutilated results of your unethical experiments.
Time And The Rani – Part 2
The Doctor: I knew you weren't finished, Rani. I told Mel as much.
Mel: You told me?
The Doctor: No, Mel!
Mel: I am Mel. Who's the Rani?
The Doctor: Try looking in the mirror at the face of evil.
Mel: I've had enough of this drivel.
The Doctor: All right, compromise. Let me feel your pulse.
Mel: Don't touch me!
The Doctor: Ah, the proof of the pumpkin's in the squeezing.
Mel: You don't even talk like the Doctor, you miserable fraud.
The Doctor: Let me feel your pulse. Pulses, I should say. Two of them. One for each heart.
Mel: You're a raving lunatic.
The Doctor: Yes, perhaps I am, because if you're the Rani, I'm dicing with destruction.
Mel: And if I'm Mel?
The Doctor: Mel? The worst she'll do is give me carrot juice. Carrot juice? What made me think of that?
Mel: Well, perhaps the real Doctor told you. It was his favourite drink.
The Doctor: Favourite? I hate it.
Mel: Oh.
The Doctor: Ah, caught you out, haven't I.
Mel: But if you're the real Doctor, then why do you look like that?
The Doctor: I've regenerated, and I'm suffering from post-regenerative amnesia, as far as I can remember. Fair exchange is no mockery. You feel my pulses, I'll feel yours. I'll lean across here with my arm behind my back, if you want proof I'm a Time Lord. Come on.
(The Doctor holds his arm out across the table. Mel takes his pulses.) Mel: A double pulse. Then you really are the Doctor.
The Doctor: That's what I've been trying to tell you. Now yours.
Mel: I know about regeneration, of course.
(The Doctor checks both her wrists.) The Doctor: Mel?
Mel: But you're completely different. Nothing like you were. Face, height, hair, everything's changed.
The Doctor: Yes. And I've become more of a fool too, it seems, Mel. Doesn't bode well for my seventh persona, being so completely taken in by the wretched Rani.
Time And The Rani – Part 3
Ikona: Doctor, in my opinion, returning to the laboratory is a pointless exercise. I've a feeling Mel's beyond all help.
The Doctor: Oh, the Rani would never go to those extremes. She never does anything without reason.
Ikona: Well then, why the hologram? Why didn't she just release Mel?
The Doctor: A bird in the hand keeps the Doctor away.
Ikona: You're probably right.
The Doctor: Only on this occasion, it'll have the opposite affect.
Time And The Rani – Part 4
The Doctor: Memory like a dromedary.
(The Doctor produces the ornate bottle he took from the Rani's table.) An antidote against those killer insects in the globe. The Rani always takes out an insurance policy.
(The Doctor hands it to Ikona, who removes the stopper and pours the liquid onto the ground.) Mel: You're impossible. Why did you do that?
Ikona: Tell her, Faroon.
Faroon: Ikona believes that our people should meet their own challenges, if they are to survive.
The Doctor: Well, time and tide melts the snowman.
Mel: Waits for no man.
The Doctor: Who's waiting? I'm ready.
Mel: You're certainly going to take a bit of getting used to.
The Doctor: I'll grow on you, Mel. I'll grow on you.