Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
Paradise Towers – Part 1
(Tilda has finished her snack and has taken up her knitting.) Tilda: Of course, in the old days things were very different, weren't they, Tabby.
Tabby: Oh, very different, Tilda.
Mel: So what happened?
Tabby: Well, my memory's not what it was, but one thing followed another and before we knew where we were, we were in the pickle we are today.
Tilda: Now everybody has to fend for themselves, take what they can find. Have another cake, Mel dear. Go on.
Mel: All right, then. So you were here from the beginning then?
Tabby: Oh yes, dear, yes. Ever since the Great architect finished Paradise Towers and all the youngsters and all the oldsters were moved here.
Mel: And the rest, the in-betweens?
Tabby: Oh, well, I don't quite recall, but I think they had some else to do. A war to fight or something. All such a long time ago. I often wonder whether we won that war or not.
Tilda: I don't suppose we'll ever know now, Tabby.
Tabby: No, I don't suppose we will, Tilda.
Mel: Do you know anything about a swimming pool?
Tilda: A swimming pool? No, I don't think so. I've never heard of one. Have you, Tabby?
Tabby: No, I haven't, Tilda. No. Oh, you'd be far better off to stay here with us. Wouldn't she, Tilda?
Tilda: Oh yes, Tabby. She can eat and eat till her heart's content and get nice and plump and healthy, safe from those nasty Kangs.
Mel: It is very kind of you both, but I'm afraid I will have to go once I've finished my tea. It's very important.
Tilda: Oh, nonsense. There's no rush, dear. Finish your cake.
Tabby: No, we'll be very offended if you rush off so quickly. Won't we, Tilda?
Mel: Well, just a few more minutes, maybe.
Tilda: That's it, dear. There's plenty of time.
Tabby: All the time in the world. Make the most of the peace and quiet.
(There is a loud knock at the door which makes them all jump. A young man batters his way in and produces a hand gun.) Pex: Are these old ladies annoying you?
Mel: No!
Pex: Are you annoying these old ladies?
Tilda +
Tabby: No, she isn't.
Pex: Oh.
(He lowers his gun.) Tilda: And I do wish you would stop breaking through our door to try and save us.
Tabby: That's the third time we've had it repaired, and it's not though if we've ever been in any trouble.
Tilda: Apart from bits of door flying about all over the place.
Mel: Look, who exactly are you?
Pex: The name is Pex. I put the world of Paradise Towers to rights.
Paradise Towers – Part 2
The Doctor: Shall I tell you what puzzles me most? Those cleaners we had so much trouble with. Well, presumably they're part of the organisation of Paradise Towers like your Caretakers. So why should they attack you?
(Neither the Deputy or the other Caretaker guarding him answer.) And another thing. I don't know why you're so keen to kill off the Great Architect. I thought you'd be delighted to have him here to put things to rights. It doesn't make sense. Does it?
(silence) I'd hate to have to live my life by some boring old rulebook like you do. You must get fed up. Well, do you?
Deputy: No.
The Doctor: Never?
Deputy: Never.
The Doctor: I suppose how you guard me is in that rulebook.
Deputy: Yes. Rule forty five B stroke two subsection five.
The Doctor: I wouldn't mind having a look at that rulebook, if that's not against the rules. I mean, after all, I am a condemned man.
Deputy: Hmm.
(The Deputy consults the rule book.) Yes, we can count that as your last request. You're entitled to one if you're to undergo a three two seven appendix three subsection nine death. Not a pretty way to go.
(The Deputy passes over the rule book and the Doctor leafs through it.) The Doctor: How extraordinary. No, no. It can't be true.
Deputy: What's that?
The Doctor: Oh no, no. It's. You couldn't possibly.
Deputy: If it's there, it's true. Rules are rules. Orders are orders.
The Doctor: If you say so. I don't want to make a fool of you.
Deputy: Read out what it says.
The Doctor: Oh, very well, but I find it hard to credit
Deputy: Read it!
The Doctor: It says here about a three two seven appendix three subsection nine death, that after you've been guarding the condemned prisoner for
(checks his wristwatch) thirty five minutes, you must all stand up.
Deputy: But if we
The Doctor: Yes, I know, I know, I find it extraordinary. I don't really expect you to do it. But it is in there.
(The Deputy and the Caretaker stand up.) The Caretakers present must then move five paces away from the prisoner.
(They do so.) Five. Close their eyes and put their hands above their head.
(The Doctor tiptoes up to the back of the Deputy and carefully picks his trouser pocket, removing his wallet containing a selection of cards.) Deputy: How long do we do this for?
The Doctor: For about a minute and a half. You see, that's how long the prisoner needs.
(The Doctor takes his umbrella from the Caretaker.) Deputy: To do what?
The Doctor: Find the key card to the door and escape.
Deputy: Sorry?
The Doctor: Find the key card to the door and escape.
(The second one works.) Deputy: Rules should always make sense. Why should we allow a prisoner
(He turns to see the door open slightly as the Doctor pulls his umbrella free.) Paradise Towers – Part 3
(Tilda and Tabby are busy in the kitchenette.) Mel: Look, a joke's a joke, but this gone on long enough.
Tilda: Mel dear, I do think by now you should be appreciating that though Tabby and myself are not averse to a humourous remark now and then, no joke was intended.
(Tilda stands over Mel with a carving knife while Tabby stirs a large cooking pot.) See if you can spot the basil.
Tabby: Oh, it's here somewhere, dear. Here we are.
(Mel sees a Cleaner claw come up the waste disposal pipe, and screams.) Oh, what is it, dear?
Mel: There's something wrong with the waste disposal unit.
Tabby: No, don't talk nonsense, dear. It always makes that funny noise.
Mel: I think something's coming up in it.
Tabby: Don't be silly, dear.
Tilda: We'd better make sure, Tabby.
Tabby: Oh, very well, dear.
(Tabby goes over to the kitchen sink.) No, I can't see anything.
(She turns her back, and a Cleaner claw comes out of the unit in the wall and grabs her by the neck.) Tilda: Tabby! Tabby!
(Tilda runs over, and gets there just as Tabby's feet disappear into the unit.) Tabby! Oh, what a naughty little girl we are. Looks as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth and now she's killed poor dear Tabby!
Mel: It wasn't me, Tilda. It was the thing in the waste disposal.
Tilda: Fibbing now, is it? I hate little fibbers.
Paradise Towers – Part 4
(The Kangs kneel around their monument, Red and Blue alternate, watched by Rezzies and Caretakers.) Bin Liner: Hail Pex. Hail the unalive who gave his life for the Towers. In life he was not a Kang but in death he was brave and bold as a Kang should be.
Kangs: Hail Pex. Hail the unalive. Hail Pex. Hail the unalive.
Mel: Poor Pex.
The Doctor: Indeed, poor Pex. But look, Mel, they're all here. The Caretakers, the Rezzies, the Kangs. This would never have happened before. Perhaps now they'll all start working together.
(Fire Escape, Bin Liner and the Blue Kang leader join the Doctor and Mel.) Ah, Fire Escape. Now, have you managed to remove the Kang wallscrawls from the Tardis as you promised?
Fire Escape: Build high for happiness, Doctor.
(She gives him his umbrella.) The Doctor: Oh, thank you very much.
Blue Kang: We're sorry you must go, Doctor and Mel. We've made you an honorary Kang, Doctor.
The Doctor: Oh, a Blue Kang or a Red Kang?
(The Blue Kang holds out a blue scarf. Fire Escape turns it over to reveal a red side.) Fire Escape: Both.
The Doctor: Ah, well I'll be honoured to wear it.