[MrBarlow]

TREMORS

Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?
Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.

Earl Bassett: Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.
Valentine McKee: Yeah, well you're half right.

[trapped on top of a boulder by a Graboid, Val, Earl, and Rhonda are thinking of explanations for where the creatures came from]
Valentine McKee: [joking] They're mutations caused by radiation. No, wait; the government made 'em. *Big* surprise for the Russians.
Rhonda LeBeck: Well, there's nothing like them in the fossil record... Okay, so they predate the fossil record.
[not buying it herself]
Rhonda LeBeck: That'd make them a couple of billion years old... and we've just never seen one until now. Right.
Earl Bassett: I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.

Earl Bassett: Run for it? Running's not a plan! Running's what you do, once a plan fails!

Rhonda LeBeck: They only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we... distract them somehow?
Valentine McKee: Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a... like a decoy!
Earl Bassett: Hey Melvin... wanna make a buck?


TREMORS 2

Kate (White) Reilly: Who named them graboids anyway?
Earl Bassett: [chuckles] A friend of ours, Walter Chang, he named them, then they ate him.

[about a groaning Graboid]
Earl Bassett: Must be sick.
Grady: Probably ate someone that didn't agree with it.

Burt Gummer: I feel I was denied critical need-to-know information.
(holds up two pistols)
Burt Gummer: I am COMPLETELY out of ammo. That's never happened to me before.

[hiding from the Shriekers, Earl, Grady, and Kate are on top of some containers, Burt is inside the scoop of a bulldozer]

Grady: Burt, are you *sure* you don't have any more bullets? Did you check *all* your pockets?
Burt Gummer: You know, as I lie here, I can't help but comment... the reason I am out of nine-millimeter rounds is that I was not properly briefed. And the reason for that is that this mission was not properly researched. If certain people had bothered to gather intelligence on the creatures before bumbling into the situation...
Earl Bassett: Knock it off, Burt! Nobody made you come!
Burt Gummer: ...We wouldn't be down here with single-shot big bores when we should be packing full auto, preferably belt-fed!
[a Shrieker near Burt grunts loudly]
Burt Gummer: Shut up!

TREMORS 3

[about the FEDS]
[over radio]
Burt: Need I remind you Jack? They are not your friends, they are government agents. OVER!
Jack: [also over radio] Cut me some slack, Burt! All I did was a little negotiatin'.
Burt: You did *what*?
Jack: I cut us a deal! You help 'em catch one live graboid, they give you back your huntin' license, over.
Burt: [Burt drives up, stopping next to Jack. Jodi notices them still talking on the radio] Uhhh, copy that. Roger. One question.
Jack: Shoot.
Burt: [Off radio, getting out of the vehicle] Is your head up your ass for the warmth?

[Suggesting names for the flying monsters]
Jodi Chang: Assblasters. How's that?
Jack: Sounds like a porno film.

[after Burt blows up his home to keep the assblaster from eating the food, and finding out food stops them]
Burt: What kind of supreme being would condone such irony?