Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
School Reunion
Parsons: Yesterday, I had a twelve year old girl give me the exact height of the Walls of Troy in cubits.
The Doctor: And, it's ever since the new headmaster arrived?
Parsons: Finch arrived three months ago. Next day, half the staff got flu. Finch replaced them with that lot, except for the teacher you replaced, and that was just plain weird, her winning the lottery like that.
The Doctor: How's that weird?
Parsons: She never played. Said the ticket was posted through her door at midnight.
The Doctor: Hmm. The world is very strange.
(The Headmaster enters.) Finch: Excuse me, colleagues. A moment of your time. May I introduce Miss Sarah Jane Smith. Miss Smith is a journalist who's writing a profile about me for the Sunday Times. I thought it might be useful for her to get a view from the trenches, so to speak. Don't spare my blushes.
(Finch leaves.) Sarah-Jane: Hello.
The Doctor: Oh, I should think so.
Sarah-Jane: And, you are?
The Doctor: Hm? Er, Smith. John Smith.
Sarah-Jane: John Smith. I used to have a friend who sometimes went by that name.
The Doctor: Well, it's a very common name.
Sarah-Jane: He was a very uncommon man. Nice to meet you.
The Doctor: Nice to meet you. Yes, very nice. More than nice. Brilliant.
Sarah-Jane: Er, so, er, have you worked here long?
The Doctor: No. Er, it's only my second day.
Sarah-Jane: Oh, you're new, then. So, what do you think of the school? I mean, this new curriculum? So many children getting ill. Doesn't that strike you as odd?
The Doctor: You don't sound like someone just doing a profile.
Sarah-Jane: Well, no harm in a little investigation while I'm here.
The Doctor: No. Good for you.
(Sarah moves away from the scary grinning Doctor.) Good for you. Oh, good for you, Sarah Jane Smith.
***************************
(Sarah Jane opens a storeroom door to discover the Tardis parked inside.) The Doctor: Hello, Sarah Jane.
Sarah-Jane: It's you. Oh, Doctor Oh, my God, it's you, isn't it. You've regenerated.
The Doctor: Yeah. Half a dozen times since we last met.
Sarah-Jane: You look incredible.
The Doctor: So do you.
Sarah-Jane: Huh. I got old. What are you doing here?
The Doctor: Well, UFO sighting, school gets record results. I couldn't resist. What about you?
Sarah-Jane: The same. I thought you'd died. I waited for you and you didn't come back, and I thought you must have died.
The Doctor: I lived. Everyone else died.
Sarah-Jane: What do you mean?
The Doctor: Everyone died, Sarah.
Sarah-Jane: I can't believe it's you.
(Mickey screams.) Okay, now I can!
(Rose runs up.) Rose: Did you hear that? Who's she?
The Doctor: Rose, Sarah Jane. Sarah Jane, Rose.
Sarah-Jane: Hi. Nice to meet you. You can tell you're getting older. Your assistants are getting younger.
Rose: I'm not his assistant.
Sarah-Jane: No? Get you, tiger.
*******************************
Rose: I don't mean to be rude or anything, but who exactly are you?
Sarah-Jane: Sarah Jane Smith. I used to travel with the Doctor.
Rose: Oh. Well, he's never mentioned you.
The Doctor: Oh, I must've done. Sarah Jane. Mention her all the time.
Rose: Hold on. Sorry. Never.
Sarah-Jane: What, not even once? He didn't mention me even once?
Mickey: Ho, ho, mate. The missus and the ex. Welcome to every man's worst nightmare.
*****************************
(Sarah isn't making progress with the school computers.) Sarah-Jane: It's not working.
Rose: Give it to me.
Sarah-Jane: Used to work first time in my day.
Rose: Well, things were a lot simpler back then.
Sarah-Jane: Rose, can I give you a bit of advice?
Rose: I've got a feeling you're about to.
Sarah-Jane: I know how intense a relationship with the Doctor can be, and I don't want you to feel I'm intruding.
Rose: I don't feel threatened by you, if that's what you mean.
Sarah-Jane: Right. Good. Because I'm not interested in picking up where we left off.
Rose: No? With the big sad eyes and the robot dog? What else were you doing last night?
Sarah-Jane: I was just saying how hard it was adjusting to life back on Earth.
Rose: The thing is, when you two met they'd only just got rid of rationing. No wonder all that space stuff was a bit too much for you.
Sarah-Jane: I had no problem with space stuff. I saw things you wouldn't believe.
Rose: Try me.
Sarah-Jane: Mummies.
Rose: I've met ghosts.
Sarah-Jane: Robots. Lots of robots.
Rose: Slitheen, in Downing Street.
Sarah-Jane: Daleks!
Rose: Met the Emperor.
Sarah-Jane: Anti-matter monsters.
Rose: Gas masked zombies.
Sarah-Jane: Real living dinosaurs.
Rose: Real living werewolf.
Sarah-Jane: The Loch Ness Monster!
Rose: Seriously? Listen to us. It's like me and my mate Shireen. The only time we fell out was over a man, and we're arguing over the Doctor. With you, did he do that thing where he'd explain something at like, ninety miles per hour, and you'd go, what? and he'd look at you like you'd just dribbled on your shirt?
Sarah-Jane: All the time. Does he still stroke bits of the Tardis?
Rose: Yeah! Yeah, he does. I'm like, do you two want to be alone?
(The sisters have bonded and laugh. The Doctor enters.) The Doctor: How's it going?
(They keep laughing.) What? Listen, I need to find out what's programmed inside these.
(Hysteria is setting in.) What? Stop it!