Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes
Before The Flood
(The Doctor is giving us, the viewers, a lecture.) The Doctor: So there's this man. He has a time machine. Up and down history he goes, zip zip zip zip zip, getting into scrapes.
(He goes up to the gallery.) Another thing he has is a passion for the works of Ludwig van Beethoven.
(Holds up a vinyl LP of Beethoven's 5th.) And one day he thinks, what's the point of having a time machine if you don't get to meet your heroes? So off he goes to eighteenth century Germany. But he can't find Beethoven anywhere. No one's heard of him, not even his family have any idea who the time traveller is talking about.
(He swaps the LP for a plaster bust of Ludwig and walks down the stairs.) Beethoven literally doesn't exist. This didn't happen, by the way. I've met Beethoven. Nice chap. Very intense. Loved an arm-wrestle. No, this is called the Bootstrap Paradox. Google it. The time traveller panics.
(The bust is put down on a pile of sheet music.) He can't bear the thought of a world without the music of Beethoven. Luckily he'd brought all of his Beethoven sheet music for Ludwig to sign. So he copies out all the concertos, and the symphonies and he gets them published. He becomes Beethoven. And history continues with barely a feather ruffled. But my question is this. Who put those notes and phrases together? Who really composed Beethoven's Fifth?
(The Doctor has finished plugging in his electric guitar and plays - da da da dah! da da da dah!)
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The Doctor: Where's Bennett? We need to get going.
O'Donnell: Oh, he's still throwing up. One small step for man, one giant bleaurgh.
The Doctor: Oh, time travel does that sometimes.
O'Donnell: Somehow I doubt that Rose or Martha or Amy lost their breakfast on their first trip.
The Doctor: You seem to know an awful lot about me.
O'Donnell: I used to be in military intelligence. I was demoted for dangling a colleague out of a window.
The Doctor: In anger?
O'Donnell: Is there another way to dangle someone out a window? What year are we in?
(The Doctor wets a finger and holds it up.) The Doctor: 1980.
O'Donnell: So, pre-Harold Saxon. Pre-the Minister of War. Pre-the moon exploding and a big bat coming out.
The Doctor: The Minister of War?
O'Donnell: Yeah.
The Doctor: No, never mind. I expect I'll find out soon enough.
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Prentis: Greetings!
O'Donnell: It's him. That's the ghost from the Drum.
(The alien gets within an inch of the Doctor's nose, as if he is very short-sighted.) Prentis: Remarkable. Oh, and humans, too. Albar Prentis, Funeral Director.
(He hands out business cards. Albar Prentis Universal Funeral Director. May the remorse be with you. The Doctor throws his away.) Bennett: You're from Tivoli, aren't you?
Prentis: The most invaded planet in the galaxy! Our capital city has a sign saying, if you occupied us, you'd be home by now.
The Doctor: Yes, I've had dealings with your lot before. I can't say I'm a fan.
Prentis: No, we do tend to antagonise.
(laughs) (O'Donnell hears a noise and looks away briefly.) The Doctor: What are you doing here?
Prentis: Ah, yes. Of course.
(runs up the ramp) This is the Fisher King. He and his armies invaded Tivoli and enslaved us for ten glorious years! Until we were liberated by the Arcateenians. But, thank the Gods, soon we'd irritated them so much, they enslaved us, too!
(laughs) Bennett: My first proper alien, and he's an idiot.
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The Doctor:
(To ghost Doctor) Doctor. Such an honour. I've always been a huge admirer. This is really a delight. Finally someone worth talking to.
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The Doctor: Big day for you. Time travel, twice!
Bennett: Whoa, really? When are we going to?
The Doctor: Off the map. Out of the rule book. What if I don't die? What if I refuse? I'm going to go back to the base and I'm going to save Clara, because that's what I do. And I don't see anyone here who's going to stop me.
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Clara: What will UNIT do with the ghosts?
The Doctor: Drag the cage into space, away from the Earth's magnetic field. With nothing to sustain them, the ghosts will eventually fade away.
Clara: Here's what I don't understand. You did change the future. You stopped the Fisher King from returning.
The Doctor: The Fisher King had been dead for a hundred and fifty years before we even got here. But once I went back, I became part of events. But here's the thing. The messages my ghost gave, they weren't for you, they were for me. That list. Everyone after you was random, but you being the next name, that's what made me confront the Fisher King.
Clara: And saying the chamber will open?
The Doctor: That was me telling me to get inside and when to set it for.
Clara: Smart.
The Doctor: Except that's not why I said them.
Clara: How do you mean?
The Doctor: I programmed my ghost to say them because that's what my ghost had said. And the only reason I created my ghost hologram in the first place was because I saw it here. I was reverse engineering the narrative.
Clara: Okay, that's still pretty smart.
The Doctor: You do not understand. When did I first have those ideas, Clara?
Clara: Well, it must have been
(penny drops) Wow.
The Doctor: Exactly. Who composed Beethoven's Fifth?