[MrBarlow]

High Spirits.

(Peter putting a noose round his head)
Mrs. Plunkett: There you are, taking the easy way out you naughty boy.
Peter Plunkett: Mother this is not easy, it's very very difficult.
Mrs Plunkett: Just because you haven't got a ghost in this place, you are in a hot clamp place with that fella Brogen.
Mrs. Plunkett: Your father's so worried, he's tearing his hair out!
Peter Plunkett: Mother, father has been dead for a decade
Mrs. Plunkett: And what about your grandmother? How do you think she feels?
Peter Plunkett: Mother, grandmother is dead too!
Mrs. Plunkett: She's still upset.
Peter Plunkett: Oh very well I apologise to the fumbling ghosts of my ancestors for making a mess of their ancestral home.
(Throws the other end of the noose to his mother)
Peter Plunkett: Hold That!
Mrs. Plunkett: I'm not gonna help you!

Martin Brogan: That was a dirty trick wasn't it, eh? Eh? Kicking me right in the bahoogies.
Sharon: You were going to stab your wife with a sword, you pig.
Martin Brogan: Ah, sure, that's no big thing. I do it every night.
Sharon: Oh, and I suppose watching other men's wives in the bathtub is no big deal either.
Martin Brogan: [backs Sharon against a wall] Sure, it's a grand thing if the wife happens to be you.
[leans in for a kiss]
Sharon: [moves away] You dirty peeping Tom.
Martin Brogan: My name's not Thomas. It's Martin.
Martin Brogan: [getting turned on by Sharon] Oh, God. Here, give us a wee skelp before...
Martin Brogan: [Sharon is about to kick him in the nuts again] No, not again! You're a wily vixen, aren't ya?
Martin Brogan: [getting turned on by Sharon] Oh, God, what a woman.
Sharon: [getting horny] You're not so bad yourself.


Jack: [reading from a book] "A ghost may not tup with a human." So this means a ghost cannot make love with a human being. Oh, my God!

Eamon: Listein to the paracyclist.

(Jack and Mary in bed)
Jack: I'm not tupping right, this is more of a scelp than a tup right?
Mary: We can't, it's not right.
Jack: I know, I know.
Mary: Last Night...I mean no...stop...stop...oh don't listein to me Jack.
Oh Jack remember our promise...we can't...a little bit to the right.


Jack: Hi, Marty!
[surprised after Martin has come flying through the window to pin Jack to the wall]
Martin Brogan: Where's the wife?
[Jack points towards the stairs; Martin looks at Mary and turns back]
Martin Brogan: Not mine, you dolt. Yours!