ah, The Tube. I wish I had taped more of them when they were on. It's on my 'wish list' of programmes to come out on DVD, but due to musical copyright issues I cannot see happening you groovy f@£kers! (To quote a certain Mr J Holland).

ZOMBIE FLESH EATERS 2.

Not dissimilar to deliberately shiting yourself and not for the first time either. Fun, stupid and very messy.

Christmas Horror Marathon #6
 

Island of the Living Dead (2006)

A boat load of treasure hunters become stranded on a mysterious island only to become victims to the recently risen living dead.

What a mind**** of a film this is. Bruno Mattei what were you thinking? This is amazingly bad yet also so weirdly watchable. It's difficult to know where to start.

No. It's not. The dubbing. Never have i seen dubbing as bad as this. It's worse than one of those fan made bad lip reading YouTube videos for show such as The Walking Dead.

The zombies are on a par with Zombie Lake in the make up dept, alright not as bad but you see where i'm heading. When one zombie lurches into shot we see the back of it, it then turns round slowly, leers at the camera then emits a lions roar. One of the treasure seekers then decides to partake in some of the feeblest martial arts on a zombie that barely flinches, all this after Mattei deliberately lifts the whole 'They're coming to get you Barbara' from Romero's Night of the Living Dead. Laughably he also nicks the eye stabbing sequence from Zombie Flesh Eaters but clearly didn't have the budget to show the piercing so lazily has someone walk over and just casually push the about to be stabbed girl away to safety. The borrowing from other, better, films is over the top in fact. Nightmare City, Tombs of the Blind Dead, they're all here.

To his credit Mattei's location work in the Philippines is excellent as are some of the gore FX work, the flamenco dancing zombie however is not.

The shot on video look doesn't help either.

This is so bad...you have to watch it!

There is actually a DVD of The Tube available - The Tube - Series 1 (2 Disc Set) [1983] [DVD]: Amazon.co.uk: Various: DVD & Blu-ray - but to quote my review on Amazon: "Disappointing. Too many comedy skits and interviews and not enough music. Then, to add insult to injury, the footage of Twisted Sister has been edited, so we do not get Dee Snider removing his make-up"

Watched a few bits lately.
Escape Plan, Stallone plays Ray Breslin a security analyst who basically makes a living testing the security of prisons by going in undercover and breaking out.
He takes a job going into a new maximum security top secret government super prison. Only someone's set him up and once in he's cut off from the outside world and left to rot.
He teams up with a fellow inmate by the name of Emil Rottmayer played by another obscure 80's action star by the name of Arnold Schwarzenegger, you may have heard of him.
Vinnie Jones does his usual nasty British hardnut thing as head guard and Jim Caviezel plays the warden.
All in all a reasonably entertaining actioner that for me unfortunately all starts to fall apart in the last 20 mins.

Hawk The Slayer
Weird 80s fantasy adventure.
Pretty crap really, but in a good way.
Evil wizard Voltan decides to kidnap a nun. Demanding a ransom.
The nuns seek help from hero and charisma vacuum Hawk played by an American actor called John Terry who i vaguely recognise from other stuff. Hawk sets out to recruit a band of warriors to aid him, a witch, a Giant, an Elf, a Dwarf and a crap guy with one hand.
This motley crew go off to raise the ransom money needed.
Turns out though that Hawk and Voltan happen to be brothers and they already have major beef with one another. You see Voltan has been seeking the secret of their fathers power for years and ended up killing the guy. He also killed Hawks missus. Did i mention this guy was played by a manic Jack Palance and he just seemed to like killing people?
Populated by a whole bunch of famous British actors this comes across as a sort of Carry On film if the team ever decided to tackle the fantasy genre. Only there's not really any jokes. Bernard Bresslaws Giant (read 'tall bloke') is probably the most amusing character and his relationship with the Dwarf (yeah, 'short bloke') is probably one of the best things in the film. The Elf, named Crow is also an interesting character, think micro budget Legolas. The special effects used to make him shoot arrows fast is priceless.
The music is all over the place, an odd mix of disco and Tangerine Dream lite techno.
I enjoyed it but I'm not sure its particularly recommendable.

Back to the Zatoichi-thon.

Zatoichi's revenge.

zatoichi heads back to his old stomping grounds to visit masseur teacher. He soon discovers his old master has been murdered and his daughter has been put in the local Brothel to work off her father's 'debts'. It turns out the local magistrate is in bed with the local Yakuza boss and they are busy keeping the local whore house stocked with the local female population while fleecing everyone else. Seeing red Z decides to tackle things head on and the film climaxes with a big sword fight as he cuts down waves of goons. This one is well orchestrated, violent and hugely entertaining.

Zatoichi and the doomed man

Z finds himself in jail for gambling. While in the clink waiting for a flogging a man in a neighbouring cell asks him to help clear his name before he is executed. On release Z heads off and finds himself the victim of a monk who turns out to be a scam artist who steals his identity and lands him in trouble. He soon begins to put two and two together...
This one is one of the minor entries in the series, short, sweet and well made. Not one of the best or one that really stands out, its picturesque seaside setting and swordfights make it worth watching.

Zatoichi & the chess expert.

Heading by sea to a temple island village, our blind masseur befriends a chess playing Samurai and lands himself in trouble with a gang of Yakuza he fleeces in a dice game. The Yakuza try and jump Z and a young girl is injured as a result. Z heads out and gets some medicine for the girl, also encountering a group hunting a samurai who killed their father. The various plot threads set up begin to come together as the film reaches a bloody climax. This one is great, the tense relationship between Zatoichi and the chess playing samurai, fuelled with the prospect of potential sudden violence is well delivered and engaging. The burgeoning relationship between the young girls mother and Z is also tragic and tender.

Excellent stuff, keirarts! Strangely, on first glance, I read this as being a film about the blind masseur and a renowned authority on coagulated milk protein!

I haven't watched a film in ages :( I'm hoping I can watch some this weekend I've been busy with computer programming homework and Star Trek TNG and the most awkwardly embarrassing to watch episode of The Apprentice ever, I'm not usually one to cringe but I watched this week's episodes behind my hands :lol:

Nekromantik 2 (1990, Jorge Buttgereit)
It came!! And so did I.....not!! Certainly more of a "film" than its predecessor, this tale of redemption and honey looks rather quaint nowadays to be honest.....having only watched the dvd I can say that there is grain, but not as much as I expected. Great to learn that the male lead is a rather fey Mancunian!! Fey isn't used enough today, so that's my next crusade!! Ha ha.