Ladies and gentlemen, here is the second of a series of incredibly important survival tips in the likely event that zombies will gatecrash your wedding. A vital guide that could just save your life!
ZOMBIE WEDDING SURVIVAL TIP #2 – CHAMPAGNE
Weddings are a time for celebrating and parties (as are most divorces!). It’s a time when dad dancing is socially acceptable and drinking gallons of bubbly is a given. But besides the tipsy-enducing power of the bottle, alcohol is also a top zombie-killing weapon if you know exactly what to do with it. Of course, when the undead invade your big day, you could always smash a sonambulist round the face with a swing of the glass bottle. Sure it’ll save your life, but think about all that booze you just wasted! Moreover, being so close enough to clobber the undead with a bottle of bubbly is never a good idea – you’re far to close to danger.
A much safer and more bad-ass way of taking out hordes of the undead with the aid of champagne bottles is with a little help from a few other items of wedding decor. On your spree to the bar, grab anything sharp you can find. The hundreds of boxes of unwanted cutlery you recieved from loved ones to celebrate, the pointed heels of your shoes or even nick the tiara of the screaming bridesgirl just before her face is ripped apart by the feasting and festering horde.
Now that you have your collection of small sharp things, simply push an item into the champagne cork. Give the bottle a good ol’ shake, aim at one of the sprinting dead and fire away. The cork will fly off at an incredible speed knocking the zombies back and embedding the sharp object deep into their cranium. Keep firing and soon enough the horde of flesh eaters will be no more.
Sit back and admire your work with the left over booze as you survey the room full of re-dead family and friends.
Click here for ZOMBIE WEDDING SURVIVAL TIP#1 – RICE