Fav Movie Quotes

[Stephen@Cult Labs]

Brodie Bruce: One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrasing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.

[Pete]

THE NAKED GUN:

Mayor: Drebin, I don't want anymore trouble like you had last year on the South Side. Understand? That's my policy.

Frank: Yes. Well, when I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy.

Mayor: That was a Shakespeare-In-The-Park production of "Julius Caesar", you moron! You killed 5 actors! Good ones.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

The next post is from Clerks again.

If you don't like profanity be warned and don't read.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Clerks



Randal Graves: Uh, yeah, hi. This is RST Video calling. Customer number 4352, I'd like to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: "Whispers in the Wind", "To Each His Own", "Put It Where It Doesn't Belong", "My Pipes Need Cleaning", "All Tit-****ing Volume 8", "I Need Your Cock", "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers", "My **** Needs Shafts", "Cum Clean", "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts", "Cum Buns III", "Cumming in Socks", "Cum On Eileen", "Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum", "Girls Who Crave Cock", "Girls Who Crave ****", "Men Alone II: The KY Connection", "Pink Pussy Lips", oh, yeah, and, uh, "All Holes Filled with Hard Cock"

[Pete]

MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL

King Arthur: I am your king.

Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.

King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.

Woman: Well how'd you become king then?

King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.

Dennis:Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

King Arthur: How does it... um... how does it work?

Sir Lancelot: I know not, my liege.

King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.

Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.

Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...

Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother...
Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Brother Maynard: Amen.

All: Amen.

[Nordicdusk]

Colt: Nice weather? You think we're having... nice weather? I guess you didn't lose the only one that meant anything in your life. I guess you don't feel burned out by the human misery and despair perpetrated by the criminal vermin that infest every pore of this decaying city, forcing you to guzzle cheap wine and cheaper whiskey to dull the pain that shatters your heart, rips at your soul, and keeps your days forever gray. What flavor Icee you got today?

Colt: Give me a name!
Beckard: Weren't your parents supposed to do that?

Becker: Do you sleep in the nude?
Miss Destiny Demeanor: Only when I'm naked

Colt: So what are you doing here?
Miss Destiny Demeanor: Waiting for you.
Colt: I mean, what brought you here?
Miss Destiny Demeanor: A taxi.
Colt: Yeah, but why?
Miss Destiny Demeanor: My car's in the shop.
Colt: I mean... Why the hell did you come here?
Miss Destiny Demeanor: The police station would have made me nervous.
Colt: You better go.

Jack Colt: Who are you?
Mr. Jigsaw: I'm your worst nightmare.
Jack Colt: No, waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare.
Mr. Jigsaw: Okay, allright, so I'm not actually your worst nightmare. But I am
right up there.


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Sorry this film is a guilty pleasure of mine.

[Pete]

LOADED WEAPON is brilliant.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Flash Gordon


The Emperor Ming: Klytus, I'm bored. What play thing can you offer me today?

Klytus: An obscure body in the S-K System, your majesty. The inhabitants refer to it as the planet Earth.

[Pete]

BLAZING SADDLES

Taggart: We'll work up a Number 6 on 'em.

Hedley Lamarr: "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one.

Taggart: Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a-whompin' and a-whumpin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course.

Hedley Lamarr: You spare the women?

Taggart: Naw, we rape the shit out of them at the Number Six Dance later on.

Hedley Lamarr: Marvelous!

Hedley Lamarr: Men, you are about to embark on a great crusade to stamp out runaway decency in the west. Now you men will only be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor.

Hedley Lamarr: My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.

Taggart: Ditto.

Hedley Lamarr: "Ditto?" "Ditto," you provincial putz?

[Nordicdusk]

MARTIN - We've got Mary!
BOXER - What?
DREBIN - You're bluffing!
MARTIN - Oh, yeh?
BOXER - Mary's scarf!
DREBIN - He could have gotten that anywhere.
MARTIN - How 'bout this?
BOXER - Mary's purse!
DREBIN - There are millions of purses like that.
MARTIN - How 'bout this?
BOXER - Mary's toaster!
DREBIN - Oh, my God!



FRANK - You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing
the street or sticking your face in a fan!



JANE - Well he's caucation.
FRANK - Caucation?
JANE - Yeah, you know a white guy!
FRANK - Oh...
JANE - He had a moustache, about 6ft 4.
FRANK - That's an awfully big moustache!




DREBIN - Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have
to keep on my toes.



ED HOCKEN - The doctors are giving him a 50/50 chance of making it...
Although there's only a 25% chance of that.



FRANK - Sorry we would have come earlier but your husband wasn't
dead then.



TONY - Your Bishop is exposed...
FRANK - It is ... these pants ... I usually wear a looser cut.


ED - ..lived in a mobile home, fought Larry Holmes. Married.
One child. That didn't work out so he married a grown woman!
FRANK (frowns)


FRANK - Your lucky you've got Edna to wake up to
the same women every morning. All I do is run around
with some cheap 20 year old, the
I just want sex, sex, sex
more, more, more, girls that cant say
no, "it's your
turn to wear the handcuffs".
CAPTAIN (frothing at the mouth)




VILLIAN - Who are you and how did you get in here?
DREBIN - I'm a locksmith, and, I'm a locksmith!




FRANK - Are you sure you'll be able to beat the champ tomorrow?
BOXER - I can take him blindfolded!
FRANK - Well, what if he's not blindfolded?
BOXEER - I can still take him!


QUENTIN - What's that smell?
FRANK - It's me - I was swimming in raw sewage, I love it!


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