Zombies

Besides the kissing, the contaminated food and the awful music, the most iconic part of a wedding is the ring. A piece of metal (or plastic if you’re cheap) that symbolises the never-ending love and union of the happy bride and groom. But, as well as being a sign of your undying passion for one another, this tiny item of jewlery could also save your live in the event of a zombie outbreak during your wedding, as seen in [REC] Genesis.

While your family are running around like lunatics eating one another, feel secure in the knowledge that you posses one kick-ass zombie slaying weapon wrapped around your fat little finger. To work, simply have your newly married partner rush towards the lighting cupboard of the ceremony hall (see the previous tips below for tips here). Flick on the lights and aim on of the spotlights at the ring upon your finger.

Line up the diamond perfectly with the light and before you know it you have yourself an intense, face-melting laser gun reflecting off your ring. With a simple motion of your finger (good practice for your honeymoon!), aim the shining laser beam at the approaching zombies. Burn off a hole in their brain instantly! Burn a whole in their knees and watch the little undead scumbags squirm – fun for all the remaining family! One ring to kill them all.

For a romantic snapshot, why not ask your photographer (assuming he’s still alive) to snap a shot of you two happy love birds snogging, through the still smoking laser hole in a now dead-for-good zombie’s cranium.

For previous wedding zombie tips, take a look at:

So far on our life-saving tips on how to survive a zombie outbreak during a wedding, we’ve covered two very important items of advice; rice fueled exploding pigeon grenades and champagne shotguns. Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen of the zombie-killing persuasion, here’s the all important tip number 3…

ZOMBIE WEDDING SURVIVAL TIP #3

As touched upon in Zombie Wedding Survival Tip #2, Weddings are a time for letting the booze flow like a river. And with any family get together that involves alcohol, there’s always the side-effects, and none are quite as cringe-worthy as…dad dancing. Whilst seeing all the dads flap their arms around, power thrust their hips and side step beyond self-respect may be the source of awkward laughter, it is also a potentially lethal weapon of mass zombie genocide. Here’s how;

So, all Hell has quite literally broken loose. The demonic possessed dead are running around the Wedding hall eating the faces of all your loved ones. There’s no time to hesitate! Forget running to higher grounds. Forget locking yourself in a cupboard and keeping quiet. Even forget making a run for it. What you need to do, is sprint as fast as your loved up legs can carry you to the most important zombie-killing section of the hall; the karaoke stage. Plug in the plug and switch on the switches, it’s time to put an end to this unholy uprising!

Simply blast out those karaoke classics you’ve learned to hate over the years and sit back and enjoy the show. No sodden booze-bloated dad can resist the unstoppable urge to make some moves to The Spice Girls. Strap a could of roaring chainsaws onto each dad’s arms (Note: Always bring chainsaws to weddings for such an event) and before you can say ‘a-zig-a-zig-aah’ there’ll be murder on the dance floor as the dancing dads chop and dice the undead feasters with their god-awful disco moves from centuries past. For best results, use an arsenal of ABBA, Foreigner, Queen, Righteous Brothers, Take That and Micheal Buble.

Whilst it may seem that loud noises would work against you and actually attract the horde, rest assured that the tone deaf drunken cover of I Will Survive would turn even the most rotten of undead running for their…lives (?).

For more top tips, check out:

Zombie Survival Tip #4

Zombie Wedding Survival Tip #3

ZOMBIE WEDDING SURVIVAL TIP #3

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