The Doctor Who Thread

[Susan Foreman]

Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes

Demons Of The Punjab

The Doctor: I know what you're asking. But family history and time travel? Very tricky.
Yasmin: Just for an hour. See her from a distance. What's the point of having a mate with a time machine, if you can't nip back and see your gran when she were younger?

**************************************************

Umbreen: You're late. And who are they?
Prem: They're your family, Umbreen.
Umbreen: What?
Yasmin: Oh, my God. You're Umbreen. You look amazing. What are you doing here?
Umbreen: I live here.
Yasmin: On a farm? But I thought... Doesn't matter. I'm so happy to see you.
(Yasmin hugs the startled Umbreen.)
The Doctor: So, Yaz, you should probably explain who we are.
Yasmin: Sorry. Yeah. Excited. Uncle Malik. You know... Uncle Malik.
Umbreen: There are loads of Uncle Maliks.
Yasmin: Exactly. Well, the one from about 15 valleys over. I'm that Uncle Malik's third cousin's younger sister. Yaz. And these are my friends Ryan, Graham and the Doctor.
The Doctor: Hi.
Ryan: Hello.
Graham: All the way from England.
Prem: You might want to keep that to yourself right now

*************************************************

The Doctor: I need oil, water, tree bark, a saucepan, nine containers, an old newspaper, a touch of ox spit, a chicken poo and a biscuit.
Ryan: Bagsy not chicken poo.
Graham: Why a biscuit?
The Doctor: I love biscuits.

**************************************************

(The women are having mehndi sun patterns painted in henna on their palms by Hasna.)
The Doctor: This is the best thing ever. Never did this when I was a man.
Yasmin: Doctor. You and your jokes.
The Doctor: Yeah, that's right. My references to body and gender regeneration are all in jest. I'm such a comedian.

**************************************************

The Doctor: So what, is it me? You've come to assassinate me?
Aliens: We are not assassins.
The Doctor: Firstly, I much prefer it when you're not making that threatening sound, so thanks for that at least. Secondly, don't lie to me. I know the stories of the Assassins of Thijar.
Aliens: We are changed.
The Doctor: What? Changed how?
Aliens: Our past is no more. We are no longer assassins. Now we are witnesses.
The Doctor: I don't understand.
Aliens: We honour the lost as we can not honour our own.
The Doctor: No, still not with you.
Aliens: As the assassins hunted, the Thijarian world was destroyed. We returned to find nothing. This is all that remains of our home. Our people. Every ancestor. All one dust.
(The Doctor copies their gesture of one palm across the back of the other hand.)
The Doctor: I didn't know. I'm so sorry.
Aliens: They died unwitnessed, unsaved. We were too late to grieve or honour them. But we who returned gave up a hundred generations to sift, to remember the lost dead, the unmourned. In time, it was all we knew. And now we travel beyond, seeking the unacknowledged dead across all of Time and space. This is now the Thijarian mission, to bear witness to those alone. To see, to bear pain, honour life as it passes. As each one passes, we commemorate union.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

A promo image for the 2010 Christmas special A Christmas Carol. Featuring Matt Smith as the eleventh Doctor, Michael Gambon as Kazran Sardick and Katherine Jenkins as Abigail

[Demoncrat]

We get a lot of cough, knitting patterns into both shops. I sort of hope to find this one one day

[Susan Foreman]

Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes

Kerblam!

(The light enters the Tardis and turns into a humanoid robot in uniform and cap, holding a box. A jingle plays.)
Delivery Bot: Delivery for the Doctor.
The Doctor: Ah, it's the Kerblam man!
Yasmin: It's the what?
The Doctor: The Kerblam man.
Graham: You're just making sounds now.
(The Doctor takes the box from the Bot.)
Delivery Bot: Delivery fulfilled. And remember, if you want it, Kerblam it!
(The Bot dissolves into the Kerblam logo, the jingle plays again and then it disappears completely.)
Graham: Space postman. I've seen it all now.
The Doctor: Delivery bots. Kerblam's the biggest retailer in this galaxy. I don't remember ordering anything. Must've been a while back. (She opens the box and takes out a red fez.) Oh. What do you think? (puts it on) Still me?
Graham: Nice.

**************************************************

Ryan: Is it me, or are they pretty creepy?
Graham: It ain't you.
The Doctor: Oi, you two, that's robophobic. Some of my best friends are robots.

**************************************************

Judy: Rule number one. Keep all loose clothing, hair and body parts away from the conveyors. And never, ever climb onto the conveyors. Any person found on the conveyor faces immediate termination.

**************************************************

System: Kerblam performance status. All systems currently at optimal...
(The voice slurs and stops, the power goes out. The TeamMates all slump.)
The Doctor: Another power drain?
System: Functionality. System online.
(A man walks through.)
Slade: All right, it's just a glitch. Back to work. Come on, Kira, re-engage brain, if you can find it.
Kira: Sorry, Mister Slade.
Ryan: Hey, don't talk to her like that.
Kira: It's okay.
The Doctor: No, it's not.
Slade: Who are you?
The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. I'm new. And you are?
Slade: Jarva Slade, Warehouse Executive. Your boss.
The Doctor: Well, you've certainly got the clipboard for it. Be nicer to Kira, please.
Slade: How would you like a warning for insubordination?
The Doctor: I'd love one. I could add it to my collection.
Kira: Doctor, don't.
The Doctor: Gentle people skills advice for you, Mister Slade. Respect goes both ways. The best managers, the really good ones, value their staff and know instinctively if someone's in trouble, or is asking for help. Now, how good a manager are you? Know anyone who needs help?

**************************************************

The Doctor: I'm stupid, really stupid. Can you believe how stupid I am?
Graham: Is that a rhetorical question?
The Doctor: I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. There's too many things going on, too many variables. My brain's too crowded.
Judy: What's she talking about?
Graham: No idea. You get used to it. She normally explains in the end.

**************************************************

The Doctor: Deadly bubble wrap. Totally innocuous, apart from when it's intercepted here and weaponised. Sheets of tiny little bombs, ready to explode and kill. Every parcel a death-trap. The workers aren't the targets. It's the customers.
Graham: Kerblam's trying to kill their own customers? That's the worst business plan I've ever heard.

[Susan Foreman]

The classic picture that everyone has probably seen

But people have probably not seen this second picture from the photo shoot

It's interesting to note the sartorial elegance here, and the fact that the monster operator still wears his collar and tie when inside the costume!

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Originally Posted by Susan Foreman

The Doctor: I'm stupid, really stupid. Can you believe how stupid I am?

Oh yes.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

The Cybermen cause panic in Victorian England in the 2008 Christmas special The Next Doctor.

[Susan Foreman]

Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes

The Witchfinders

Graham: Guys, that's Pendle Hill. We're in Lancashire.
(The posh woman speaks to the crowd assembling on the other bank of the river.)
Becka: People of Bilehurst Cragg, we are forced to meet here once again. Satan stalks this land. We must continue to root him out, and do whatever it takes to save the soul of our village. Let us put the accused to the test.
Willa: Granny...!
Granny: Hush, Willa.
The Doctor: It's a witch trial.
Becka: Old Mother Twiston
The Doctor: Must be early 17th century.
Becka: You stand accused of witchcraft, and shall be tried by my ducking stool, hewn from the mightiest tree on Pendle Hill. If you drown, you are innocent. If you survive, you are a witch, and shall be hanged.
Villager: Duck the witch!

**************************************************

Becka: Now we have no way of knowing if Mother Twiston was a witch or not. Guards, whip these wanderers off this bank, and then seize Willa Twiston. We can take no chances.
The Doctor: Leave her alone. I'd bet my life neither of these women are witches. But you, Mistress Savage are, without question, a murderer.
Becka: Who are you to address me this way?
The Doctor: I'll tell you who I am. (Checks her trouser pockets then turns to search her coat.) Sorry, one sec.
(She hold the psychic paper up to Becka.)
Becka: Witchfinder General?
The Doctor: That's right. Witchfinder General, with my crack team, taking over this village

**************************************************

Becka: Please forgive me, Mistress. If I'd known who you were, I'd have bowed to your authority immediately.
The Doctor: So tell me. Who exactly are you, and what gives you authority here?
Becka: I am Becka Savage, landowner of Bilehurst Cragg. It belonged to my late husband, passed to me when he died. I've tried to be a benevolent leader but it's very difficult in these times, especially for a woman.
The Doctor: If you're the landowner, why are you walking? Where are the horses?
Becka: Horses are banned in Bilehurst. They are creatures of Satan. I had them all shot.

**************************************************

Becka: King James! Your Majesty.
(The Scottish King, 6th of that name, although the First of England.)
James: You may prostrate yourselves before me, God's chosen ruler and Satan's greatest foe come to vanquish the scourge of witchcraft across the land. Forgive the mask. I have enemies everywhere and have to travel incognito. Also, I rather like the drama. What a peculiar ragbag of folks. And those garments. Are you actors?
The Doctor: We're your witchfinders, sire, as we explained to Mistress Savage.
(The Doctor holds out the psychic paper.)
James: Witchfinder's Assistant. (to Graham) So you must be the Witchfinder General.
The Doctor: What?
Becka: No, she said she was.
James: A woman could never be the General.
The Doctor: Silly me. Must've got all confused. Mustn't I, boss?
Graham: Er, yeah, that's me, sire. North West Division, promoted from Essex.
James: And these are your underlings.
Graham: It's a very flat team structure. We all have our areas of expertise.
James: Even the wee lassie?
The Doctor: Even me. Very handy undercover. Set a woman to catch a woman.
James: A cunning ruse, using your innate aptitude for nosiness and gossip. And what is your field of expertise, my Nubian prince?
Ryan: Er...
James: Torture?
Ryan: Me? Er... paperwork mostly, Your Majesty.
James: Paper. How fascinating. We should talk

**************************************************

The Doctor: Honestly, if I was still a bloke, I could get on with the job and not have to waste time defending myself.
James: Oh, you bewitch us with your alluring form and your incessant jabber, but I knew you were unnatural from the very start. And now I see you for what you really are.

**************************************************

James: One final command as your King. Come back to London with me, Ryan. Be my protector.
Ryan: I mean, it's a kind offer, sire, but, er, you know... I've got stuff to do. But I'll keep my eye on you. So you... behave yourself.
Graham: Or else, we will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger.
James: Ezekiel.
Graham: Tarantino.

[Demdike@Cult Labs]

Don't be a Scrooge on Christmas Eve.

Nardole (Matt Lucas) gets an earful from a Scrooge like fella in The Husbands of River Song (2015)

[Susan Foreman]

Doctor Who over the years: Episode quotes

It Takes You Away

Graham: Not hungry, are you? Cos these days I always carry a cheese and pickle sarnie, you know, just for emergencies.
Ryan: You carry sandwiches with you every time you leave the Tardis?
Graham: Yes, well, I've learned the hard way, ain't I? I mean, we can go a long time without eating and I get a bit cranky with the old low blood sugar level. Now, I always come prepared.

**************************************************

The Doctor: All right, no need to panic.
Yasmin: I wasn't panicking.
The Doctor: I know, I was talking to myself. Cos all this is very wrong. Right, what do we know? This mirror is a direct portal between two worlds. We went into it in the real world. We came out of it in this world. But that antizone sprung up in the middle, splitting the portal in two.
Yasmin: The buffer zone between the two worlds.
The Doctor: Exactly, cos antizones only exist where the fabric of the universe is under huge, terrible threat. Oh. So that means that one must be to stop this world and your world from ever touching. Wait, but that means that this world is dangerous. But how can it be dangerous? Also, what even has the power to create a copy world like this? Unless... Oh, no actual way!
Yasmin: No actual way, what?
The Doctor: I've told you about the Solitract, right?
Yasmin: Literally never heard the word before. Solitract?
The Doctor: Solitract! It's a theory, a myth, a bedtime story my gran used to tell me.
Yasmin: You had a grandmother?
The Doctor: I had seven, but Granny Five, my favourite, used to tell me about the Solitrac

**************************************************

The Doctor: I need to get this open and get Graham and Erik out of here. Oh, it won't budge! It must be controlled by the Solitract. Oh, and I can't force it with the sonic like before, because it's clever and it's adapting.
Yasmin: What if you do something it hasn't dealt with before, like reverse the polarity or something?
(Hurrah! The return of an old favourite)
The Doctor: Yasmin Khan, you speak my language.

**************************************************

Ryan: All right?
Graham: All right.
Ryan: Yaz said you saw Nan in there.
Graham: Yeah. I thought, maybe... But it wasn't her. Not really.
Ryan: Must hurt.
Graham: Yeah.
Ryan: I miss her, too. All the time. But at least we've got each other, eh? Grandad.
Graham: What did you just call me?
Ryan: Why, you going deaf in your old age? Come on. Tardis.